Broken
by Rizzling
Summary: What happens when one of Boston's finest can't deal with the trauma of her shooting? Can't do 'that gumshoe thing? Can't even leave her own apartment?  Season One post finale fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi all! I'm throwing this out here to see what you think. I have a pretty good idea about it but I wanna see if you'd be interested in reading? Lemme know?**

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><p>'Defective Jane Rizzoli'<p>

Another card dropped through her door, the moniker emblazoned across its face stabbing her clean through the heart. It had been exactly two weeks to the day since she'd put a bullet through herself and Bobby Marino, she had survived, or at least that's what everyone kept saying. True, she stood in her apartment, walking, talking, and breathing; and yet she felt no more alive than Marino was.  
>On that warm Boston afternoon Detective Jane Rizzoli had died, what was left behind was flesh, blood, uncertainty, fear and vulnerability. A simple, mortal woman. Just Jane.<p>

She tossed the mail onto the ever increasing stack by the door and ambled slowly back to the sofa, her focus returned to the laptop balanced carefully on some cushions.  
>Jane flicked back and forth between sites, searching for anything to occupy her mind while not really looking. She had been home for all of 5 days, and in those days, she'd managed to avoid everyone. Including Maura.<p>

The part of Detective Rizzoli that clung valiantly to life wanted to call the doctor, to have her come over and Google mouth at her until she felt human again, felt like more than the hollow shell she had become. But no matter how many times she picked up the phone, she could never quite dial the number.

Maura had called; of course, her voice often filled the apartment as it had so many times before. Jane often reached out with shaking hands, her fingers brushing the handset before the terror grasped her heart in its black fist and squeezed for all it was worth. She would pull her hand back, hugging herself fiercely and sob.

Bursting into life, Jane felt the new but ever increasing sting of panic as the telephone rang again. She made no effort to silence it, no interest in checking the caller ID, instead, she clamped her hands over her ears and prayed that it would just go away. By the time the machine cut in, she was sobbing uncontrollably, tears streaming, unchecked down her face as she fought to control her breathing, fast, shallow hints that, combined, couldn't be considered a true inhalation.

"Detective Rizzoli, this is Norma from Doctor Hannigan's office. We need to schedule an appointment. If you could call and tell us when you could come in…."

With the words echoing around the room, Jane Rizzoli's panic attack took a firm grasp and threw the brunette headfirst into oblivion.  
>Passed out from the lack of oxygen, she slept deeply.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

Maura Isles stood in the morgue, her brand new Jimmy Choo shoes biting her left ankle painfully as she stared into the chest cavity of one Justin Park. Her autopsy, however thorough, had felt like something had been missed and so she returned to his cold body to look for the missing clue.

She glanced up at the table opposite her, expecting to see Jane sat there, swinging her legs carelessly and wearing her usual cheeky grin as she teased Maura playfully. But Jane wasn't there, she hadn't been there for, she glanced up at the clock. "14 days, 7 hours and 43 minutes" she whispered. The truth of the matter wasn't that she'd missed something in her autopsy, she missed something in her autopsy room and that something was Jane.

The precinct hadn't been the same without her around, her feisty temper, her determined swagger, her no nonsense attitude. Maura loved those things about her friend, but she missed the other side of Jane, the delicate and loving way she brushed her arm when Maura was stressing herself out, the warmth that radiated from her when she spoke to victims' families and the way that Jane would always roll her eyes whenever her mother made her bunny pancakes in the cafeteria. Everyone felt it but no one would vocalise the depth of the emotion. They were homicide detectives after all, they didn't get emotionally involved, and if they did, they didn't wander around the precinct crying about it. They mourned at home alone or occasionally with a husband or wife.  
>Maura knew this, she had spent many nights at Jane's, called there under some flimsy pretence when she knew the truth was that the detective was struggling with a case and needed another person there to make it better, and so Maura went without question, to fill that void in Jane's life. A void that was hers alone to fill; no lover, or family member would ever be able to do what Maura did, even though she still didn't know exactly what that was.<p>

She sighed as she began to close Justin's chest. Cause of death was simple, gunshot wound directly to the heart. The powder burns on his chest and clothes told her that his killer shot from no more than two feet away.  
>With the young man returned to the crypt, Maura kicked off her shoe and rubbed her ankle absently before picking up her clipboard and heading into her office to finish up the report for Korsak.<br>She hadn't seen as much of him as she had grown accustomed to either. Since the Marino incident, she didn't see anyone as often as she used to, only those who _had_ to be in the basement were there.

She slipped sadly into her office chair and glanced at the file before turning her attention to the window and into the sterile autopsy room. Maura knew that if she closed her eyes, she could picture everything that happened that fateful day but her recollection was always the same, and it always ended just that little bit differently. In her mind she took Jane's place, Marino's strong arm wrapped tightly around her as he dragged her away with Jane screaming her name. If she'd been that little bit braver, that little bit nearer, then Jane wouldn't have had to shoot through herself and the sombre mood that had stained the air for the past two weeks wouldn't tarnish everything. If she'd given more of herself, then Jane Rizzoli would swagger in that door with a large mug of coffee and make fun of her chair and her shoes. If she had been more, then she would still have her friend.

She wiped the tear that slipped down her cheek and reached for the phone. She knew Jane wouldn't answer, she never answered the phone anymore, but still, she dialled Jane's number and waited as it rang. Clearing her throat, she tested her voice as she waited for the answering machine to kick in.

"This is Jane Rizzoli," Maura smiled at the warmth of her friend's voice. "I'm not here, you know what to do."

"Hi Jane." She began, not knowing really what she wanted to say, only that she needed to reach out to Jane, to try and make it all go away. "I just wanted to call you and say hi." She paused, there was so much more to say, the words rising up in her throat and dying on her lips. "I hope you're taking care of yourself?" She paused as if she were having a conversation with the lanky brunette rather than her machine. "I thought I could come round this evening, after work if that's ok?" Another pause, hoping that Jane would cut in. "Ok, well call me. I miss you." She dropped the phone back into the cradle and stared at it. When it rang seconds later, she snatched the handset up. "Jane?" she asked before she'd gotten it all the way to her ear. "Oh, Korsak." She couldn't hide the disappointment in her voice. "I've nearly finished the report. I'll bring it up to you in a few minutes."

That was it, her human interactions were now short almost clinical. There was no warm banter, no playful jokes about her vernacular, nothing except the question and answer. She was Queen of the Dead and she remained with her subjects, away from the life that used to fill the precinct, the joviality that, despite their line of work, almost all the detectives managed to share and away from the coldness that had seeped into them all. Without a Rizzoli, it felt like the building was mourning their absence, its sadness infecting each one of them.

Shaking the morbid thoughts from her mind, she returned her attention to the report before her, rereading the statements she had already made before adding a few new notes and attaching the forensics reports. She signed the bottom in her eloquent hand and reached into her desk drawer for a band aid which she carefully stuck over her blister and slipped her foot into her designer shoe.

She would deliver this to Korsak and then go and see Jane. She knew that with Frankie still in critical condition in the hospital, Angela wouldn't have been by with food for her daughter and she knew that Jane would be living on a diet of cocoa puffs and water by now so some groceries and a good friend couldn't hurt her recovery.

-/-

Jane stood in the bathroom, staring at her own reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were puffy and red and the tear streaks were still visible on her cheeks. She splashed cold water into her face and sighed. "C'mon Rizzoli!" she told the stranger in the mirror, "Pull it together."

She'd awoken on the floor having, she assumed, rolled off of the sofa in her unconscious. This was getting beyond a joke now. "5 days and…" She glanced into her bedroom; a collection of small pink stickers on the mirror charted her panic attacks. "9 panic attacks." She told herself sadly.

This is how she knew the detective in her was dead, the person she had been two weeks ago understood the concept of panicking; it just didn't apply to her. She was action; she was about facing down the bad guys. She was Detective Jane Rizzoli! And now she was nothing, a broken, hollow excuse for the human condition.

Trying hard to shake herself from the dark cloud that was rapidly engulfing her, she slapped her cheeks. "C'mon Jane. Suck it up! You gotta get over this and call Maura." At the very thought, her heart began that familiar pounding in her chest, her lungs felt like they were being put through a mangle and she struggled to take a full breath. "Stay calm…" she told herself, her shaking voice echoing around the bathroom. "One step at a time." Balling her hands into fists at her sides, she made her way, on shaking legs into the living area.

Dropping heavily onto the sofa, she stared at the phone. It seemed like it was a thousand miles away as the blood pounded through her head, giving her tunnel vision. She reached out, it felt like slow motion as the world fell away and all that was left was her and that handset. Setting her hand on the cool plastic, Jane's heart exploded into a violent rhythm, and she pulled it into her lap.

"See." She told herself. "Little steps." Fighting to take a deep breath she turned the phone over so the numbers were visible before closing her eyes. She could see nothing but red. "She'll be here asking questions." Jane argued out loud with herself. "She'll want to know everything."

Jane dialled each number slowly, her shaking finger pausing over the final digit for what felt like an eternity. "SCREW YOU!" she screamed, throwing the handset across the room and holding her head in her hands. "Just screw you."

-/-

Maura carried the simple brown sack with both arms. She had decided that she would make Jane a nice, healthy meal, something that would help her immune system and her spirits at the same time. It had been a harder decision than she had first imagined. Jane's ideal of a good meal and hers were a long way apart. Jane liked pizza and beer and cocoa puffs, none of which were particularly good for her. Maura liked salmon with bok choy in an oyster sauce. She had decided on a middle ground and filled her cart with gnocchi ingredients. Angela had shared her recipe with Maura on the one condition that she never told another soul.  
>As she walked up the steps to Jane's apartment, Maura shifted the bag into her left hand as she rummaged in her purse for the key to the apartment. She didn't know why Jane hadn't returned her calls in the past few days, she'd guessed that the detective was sleeping, or at doctors' appointments but she'd wanted to give her some space. Now, standing before the simple brown door, she couldn't help but feel there was something more to this than she had first thought. Her gut was telling her something. 'I don't listen to my intestines' she reminded herself as she slipped the key home and opened the door.<p>

"Jane?" she called into the empty space before her.

Jane sat on her bed, 'it's just Maura' she chanted to herself.

"Jane" that familiar voice called out again. "Are you home?"

Jane smiled weakly. 'Where the hell else would I be?' she thought as she tried to compose herself. "I'll be right out." She called, surprised by the natural tone she'd achieved.

"I stopped by the store." She could hear Maura moving around in the other room, "I bought you some groceries, nothing fancy." Jane smiled despite the somersaults happening in her stomach at the thought of food. "I thought I could make us some gnocchi, and I got those horrible cookies you like too."  
>Jane felt a tear trickle down her cheek and brushed at it fiercely. 'She's your best friend' Jane scolded herself, 'just go talk to her.'<p>

"Jane do you insist on making me talk to myself all evening?" Jane could hear the familiar beat of heels on the floor and tensed her jaw.

"No, I'm coming." Once more she was surprised by the relaxed, even tone that fell from her mouth. Everything inside her felt like it was being crushed and yet, she sounded perfectly normal.

Rising from the bed, she checked herself in the mirror, those pink dots mocking her as she ran her hands through her hair and forced a huge breath before turning and forcing her legs forward.

"Hi." Maura grinned warmly as she assessed the woman standing before her quickly. 'No obvious sign of new injury or trauma, slight wincing as she walked but that was to be expected given her existing injuries. Puffiness around her eyes; she's not sleeping well.' "How are you feeling?"

Jane shifted nervously on her feet and willed herself forward. 'please go away' she thought as she neared Maura she might as well be marching into the cave of a rabid bear, her heart rate increased as though that were her fate.  
>Swallowing loudly, Jane forced a smile onto her face but it fell far short of what she was hoping. "I'm…." she paused, 'I'm terrified Maura.' She thought 'I'm so alone and I'm not sleeping and I can't breathe and everything hurts and I don't want to do this anymore.' "I'm fine." She sat in the chair and ripped open the cookies, forcing one into her mouth and chewing slowly.<p>

Maura studied her friend as she ate. 'Then why don't I believe you?' she wondered as she set about putting the groceries away.

By the time the gnocchi was ready, Maura had noticed a considerable decline in her friend's behaviour and physicality. She was sweating considerably, dark patches stained the underarms of her shirt and Jane wiped at her forehead with increased regularity.

"Are you feeling unwell?" she asked as she served Jane her meal, accompanied by a large glass of fresh orange juice. "You look rather pale."

Shaking her head, but refusing to meet those all seeing hazel eyes, Jane studied her meal. It looked exactly the way it did when her mother made it and yet, her stomach flipped violently. "I'm ok." Her voice was barely a cracked whisper and she reached for her juice, drinking deeply.

Maura abandoned her own meal, crouching before her friend and taking the glass, setting it on the table and tilting Jane's head so she could meet her eyes. "You're not well, are you?" her voice was laced with worry and Jane's eyes darted around the room as soft, cool hands came to rest on her forehead.

"Do you want me to take you to the hospital?"

Jane felt her heart leap into her throat at the suggestion and her body twitched with all the warning signs of another major panic attack. She shook her head, long brown hair whipping painfully across both women's faces as tears filled her eyes once more.

"Can I examine you instead?" Maura asked softly. Something was incredibly wrong here, she wasn't used to seeing Jane so unravelled. "I have my bag in my car." She continued when Jane hung her head again. "It won't take long."

Jane finally met her gaze for the first time that evening. "I think I would prefer that." She croaked, a single tear rolling down her cheek as Maura smiled at her and got to her feet.

"That's my girl." She told her, turning quickly to hide her own tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. "I'll be back in a moment." Maura promised solemnly as she padded barefoot into the hall, the action giving Jane the first genuine smile she'd managed in two weeks.


	3. Chapter 3

When Maura returned to Jane's apartment, she was surprised to find her friend gone.

"Jane?" she closed the door behind her quietly.

In the bathroom, Jane ran the shower. Of all the things she wanted in her life right now, the primary one was not to have Maura see her fall apart. Sitting on the toilet, she fought hard to control her breathing. She could hear Maura calling her name from the other room, the love and concern that seeped from her friend made her feel even worse. Maura was clearly worried; her attempt to hide her feelings had failed miserably and she knew it.  
>A soft knock on the bathroom door made her jump and she got into the shower quickly, hoping the sound of the water would disguise the fear in her voice.<p>

"Jane?"

"I'll be out in a minute." Jane croaked. She waited to try and hear Maura's footsteps in the hall but realised that over the sound of the water, and without her heels on, she probably wouldn't hear even if she did leave. Sliding down the wall of the shower, Jane couldn't fight the sob that rose in her throat and, holding her head in her hands, she cried.

Maura had intended to sit in the living room and wait for Jane to finish her shower but something stopped her and she set her medical bag on the floor at the foot of the bed and sat on the comforter and waited. Jane's external appearance and behaviour had indicated to her that Jane had a pretty serious infection. The sweating, the shaking, her pallor all pointed to that conclusion. Despite being muffled by the door, Maura heard Jane's sobs clearly and got to her feet, resting her forehead against the cool wood before knocking gently.

"Open the door, Jane." She said simply. More heart wrenching sobs greeted her request and Maura tried the handle, surprised to find it unlocked. A messy pile of clothes stopped the door after a few inches and Maura curled her arm around the door to push them out of the way so she could get into the room. Through the opaque shower curtain, Maura could see Jane huddle on the floor, her first instinct to rip the curtain open, wrap the detective in a towel and rush her straight to the ER but something stopped her. Jane didn't cry. Not ever. In fact, Maura couldn't think of a time when Jane had broken down, not in front of anyone.

"Talk to me Jane." She collected up Jane's discarded clothing and tucked it into the laundry hamper, making a mental note to get on top of the increasing pile that Jane had neglected to do.

More sobs echoed around the bathroom and Maura felt a pull in her chest. "Jane?" her own voice shook as the heartbreak that filled the room threatened to consume her. "Please sweetie." When another five minutes of silence greeted her, Maura turned to the large linen cupboard and fetched a fresh towel, before pulling back the shower curtain and turning off the now cold water. Jane hadn't moved, her knees drawn up to her chest with her arms around her legs. Dark hair framing the shivering mass; Maura smiled sadly. She looked so small, so vulnerable, so un-Jane-like.

Wrapping the huge towel around her friend's shoulders, Maura helped her to her feet, rubbing some warmth back into her friend as she guided her to the bed. "What's going on Jane?" She began towelling dry her hair, waiting for Jane to say something, anything. Her silence was terrifying.

'I don't know' Jane thought, 'How do I say that she scares me, that her being here is the most terrifying thing in the world right now?' As Maura rubbed her shoulders, Jane shivered. The warmth, the life and love that radiated from her friend made her feel about an inch tall. 'Please go away and let me rot here on my own.'

Throwing the towel to the floor, Maura shook Jane hard by the shoulders. "JANE RIZZOLI!" she shouted, her cheeks flushing with anger. Jane looked up at her, empty dark eyes meeting tear-filled hazel as she shook her head, a minute motion that would have been easily missed.

"Please Jane."

Jane opened her mouth, the words collecting in her throat before dying, one by one on her lips. She wanted to tell Maura everything as she understood it, but the words wouldn't come. She could see the fear in her friend's eyes and it hurt her heart. She was the cause of that look, of that pain. She was the reason that Maura stood before her, tears pooling in her eyes and her immaculate make up streaking down her cheeks. Another promise she'd broken. All she did was bring hurt and pain to everyone around her. This was why Jane Rizzoli didn't have friends, didn't have relationships. Someone always got hurt. She'd promised both herself and Maura that she wouldn't do that to her, that she wouldn't be the cause of tears.

Maura reached for her medical bag, pulling out various pieces of equipment. After the Marino incident, she'd booked herself in on the first emergency medicine refresher course. Slipping her stethoscope around her neck, she pulled her thermometer out and gestured for Jane to open her mouth.  
>Stuffing the cold glass under the detective's tongue, she made a decision. If Jane was showing no other signs of infection, she was going to pack up her few belongings and walk out that door. She wouldn't abandon her completely, she planned to call the department doctor in the morning and arrange for him to come and see Jane. It was clear that Jane didn't want her here.<p>

Ignoring the long, delicate fingers that attempted to swat her hands away, she slipped the stethoscope under Jane's towel. "Take a deep breath." She said her tone cold and clinical.

'Well done Rizzoli.' Jane thought, 'you managed to throw her away too. She was the best thing in your life and you're pushing her away.'

Hearing nothing wrong, Maura reached for her blood pressure cuff and wrapped it around the toned arm of her uncooperative friend. She pulled the thermometer from her mouth, staring at it and seeing nothing out of the ordinary. Jane's blood pressure also seemed normal.

"Well you're fine." Maura told her as she packed her bag up. "Everything is within normal levels, nothing to indicate an infection. Stand up." Jane hung her head. The words wouldn't come, with every passing second Jane could see the gap between them growing and yet she was powerless to stop it. Suddenly she was being pulled to her feet, and she felt like a child. Maura used to say there was the easy way, or the hard way. It had become a long running joke, started at the very beginning of their friendship, way back when Jane had been someone, someone to be proud of, someone who could stand up to the world, someone who could answer the phone.  
>Now Jane was no one and Maura didn't even give her the option, she pulled her roughly to her feet.<p>

"Open your towel so I can examine your wound." Jane dropped the towel, half-heartedly trying to cover her modesty, not that she had a lot of that left. Not anymore. She failed miserably, the deep green towel hitting the carpet with a muted thud.

Maura searched her friend's body for something, anything to explain what was happening. She had lost weight that was evident. She removed the dressings from the bullet wound and studied it carefully, before reaching back into her bag for a pair of gloves. She cleaned the wound and redressed it carefully. Jane didn't even flinch.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me." She whispered as she closed her bag and turned the naked form of her best friend frozen in time and space in the middle of the room. Sighing heavily, she turned to the closet and retrieved a pair of sweatpants, a fitted t and a light sweater. Jane watched her carefully, her eyes never leaving the immaculately put together M.E as she shook the wrinkles from the shirt.

"I'm not dressing you." She said as she laid the clothes out on the bed before turning to the dresser and retrieving some fresh underwear. "You're not a child; I don't know what I've done to warrant this treatment but you've barely said ten words to me all night." She picked up her bag and headed towards the door. "But I don't deserve this Jane. I just want to help you and it hurts that you won't let me."

Jane sat heavily on the bed as her legs gave up on her, crushing the carefully laid out clothes. Her heart hammered in her chest, her stomach doing somersaults. She glanced over her shoulder to the mirror and those mocking pink dots. As her breathing became more and more shallow, she forced herself back to her feet, blindly heading to the nightstand. As the panic and bile rose in her throat, she was vaguely aware of Maura's shape still in the doorway, she could tell the doctor was talking but her heartbeat thundered in her ears, drowning out the words.  
>With her sheet of pink sticky dots grasped in a white-knuckled fist, Jane staggered to the mirror, her arm extending as she gasped for more air, her lungs feeling as though they were on fire.<p>

"Jane!" Maura's shriek cut through the pounding in her ears as her legs gave out and the blackness consumed her once again.

Maura hit the floor next to her friend, scraping her knees on the wood floor as she slid to her side. Checking her pulse, Maura was stunned to feel it thrumming through her friends veins at an incredibly elevated pace.

"Oh Jane."

She reached onto the bed and laid a pillow out, carefully settling Jane into a comfortable position on the floor before brushing her hair off of her sweat coated brow.

"Sleep sweetie." She whispered, placing a soft kiss on the crown of her head and covering the shaking brunette with the comforter before returning to the lounge to fetch Jane's laptop. By the time she returned, a gentle snore emanated from the detective and Maura smiled sadly.

'Panic disorders and their correlation with post-traumatic stress disorder' she typed slowly into the search engine. "I'll help you Jane." She whispered, glancing at the clock. Her friend, Doctor Beck would be able to put her in touch with a good psychiatrist but at almost midnight, she felt it too late to call. For the time being, Maura contented herself with medical facts before stumbling across a forum for people who suffered on a daily basis with debilitating panic disorders. Each new story she read broke her heart anew.

"I promise you Jane." She looked down on the sleeping detective, "I won't let you disappear."


	4. Chapter 4

When Jane Rizzoli finally awoke, it was to brilliant sunshine on her face. She squinted and winced at the pain in her hip. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she frowned at the new sensation the action caused. Staring at her hand, a simple pink dot stared back at her and the events of the previous night crashing over her like a tsunami.

She sat up, surprised to find herself still on the floor. At some point Maura had wrapped her in the comforter and surrounded her with pillows. With the comforter wrapped around her still naked form, Jane got to her feet and pulled her Red Sox jersey from the foot of the bed, slipping it easily over her head before stepping into fresh underwear and her favourite sweats.

"Nice going." She complained as she threw the comforter back on the bed and stomped into the bathroom. "One person who can help and you won't even talk to her!" she gestured wildly with her toothbrush, giving herself her patented 'Rizzoli glare' before smearing toothpaste on the bristles. "Now she's gone..." Toothpaste speckled the mirror as she continued her mini rant. "..and she thinks that's what you wanted." She spat heavily into the sink. "What the hell did you think she was going to do?" By now, her rant was becoming a full on scream at herself, the toothbrush becoming her own foamy baton as she gestured briefly before stuffing the implement back into her mouth. "All you had to say was; Maura, I'm scared." She stopped, the toothbrush hanging from her mouth as the realisation of what she'd said hit her. "See, you said it." She rinsed her mouth and returned the toothbrush to the cup. "And you didn't die!" 'But you said it to yourself.' Her brain reminded her.

Stepping back into the bedroom, Jane ran her fingers through her hair before pausing. On the dresser sat a large pile of her clothes, all neatly folded. Lifting the top garment, she smelt it cautiously. Clean. Confusion ran through her, she hadn't been to the laundry room in almost 3 weeks, her stay in the hospital and then her new anxious state had meant that the building's laundry room might as well be the moon for all the chance she had of getting there. She returned to the bathroom, pulling open the hamper and staring into the empty space that had been full. "Maura." She whispered as she returned to the pile of freshly laundered clothes, putting them away slowly.

"She's doing your damn laundry and you won't even talk to her." Jane continued her self-inflicted vitriol, "If you were any sort of friend, you'd talk to her. Hell, if you were any sort of _person_ you'd tell her she's done nothing wrong." Jane slammed the drawers closed. "But you're not, you don't deserve her friendship. You're nothing!" Jane turned and froze.

Maura stood in the doorway, her hazel eyes glistening with unshed tears.  
>Jane fought herself, everything telling her to run away from the loving gaze that fixed her in place yet she remained, unable to move either her feet or her gaze. Those warm hazel eyes that looked into her soul knew her better in that instant than she knew herself. Maura didn't judge, didn't condemn or assume.<p>

Maura had been standing in the kitchen when she heard Jane get up. She was about to start making Jane breakfast when the brunettes shouting stopped her. She knew it was rude to eavesdrop but Jane left her little choice in the matter, her words ricocheting off the walls like lost bullets. She abandoned the breakfast and padded down the hall to check on her friend.

"You're nothing." Jane's words hung between them in the air, a macabre decoration in the emptiness that had opened up between them.  
>Now Jane stood before her, her unruly hair dancing back and forth in time with the detective's breathing, her dark eyes betraying everything she hadn't been able to say to her face. Maura watched as Jane fought valiantly to hold herself and her emotions together, all the while never losing that eye contact. As Jane's resolve started to break, Maura crossed the room slowly, reaching out and wrapping the other woman in a hug, her fingers caressing the nape of Jane's neck as the brunette sank into the embrace, the relief oozing from her.<p>

"You're not nothing." Maura whispered, guiding the shaking detective to the bed. "You're a complex mix of bone, flesh, cartilage and blood; comprised of nitrogen, carbon, nitrogen…." She paused as she felt Jane's shoulders rocking. Pulling away, she brushed dark hair from darker eyes and smiled. Despite the tears that she saw there, Jane was grinning at her.  
>While her walls and world crashed around her, Jane realised that everything she needed to stay grounded was right here in her arms. She sat in the midst of her emotional hurricane and laughed at the ever present and ever sobering walking Wikipedia, a vision of immaculately presented knowledge and understanding that, despite her actions, had remained at her side.<p>

"And you're everything I need." Maura whispered, placing a soft kiss on Jane's forehead.

Pulling back sharply, Maura composed herself. 'Not now Maura.' She scolded herself gently. "Now, let's have some breakfast and we'll work out what to do next?"

-/-

It took Jane over two hours, but she finally managed to tell Maura everything. Her nightmares about both Hoyt and Marino, sometimes individually, sometimes they were together. About the panic attacks she'd suffered, some minor to the point of vomiting, most to the point of unconsciousness, all of them triggered by something tiny; a knock on the door, the ring of the phone. The flashbacks, those were the worst. Her first day home, a car backfired in the street outside, a simple, everyday occurrence that sent her flashing back to the street in front of the police department, she could feel Marino's strong arms wrapped around her, his words whispered into her ear and the volcanic fire as the bullet ripped through her. As the panic consumed her that first day, she fell to the floor, holding her wound and puzzled by the lack of blood on her hands.

Jane sipped her coffee thoughtfully and watched as Maura processed everything she'd said. She could see her big brain working feverishly.

"Say something Maur…" she whispered. The silence almost unbearable.

Maura looked up at her; if she were a lesser person, she would have continued to punish Jane with her silence, to allow the detective the experience she'd had the previous evening. Instead, she smiled warmly.

"I know a wonderful therapist…" she began, the tremor in her voice belying her nervousness. She knew it wouldn't be easy convincing Jane to see someone.

"No." Jane cut her off. "I don't want anyone else to know."

Maura shook her head. "No one else would know, you don't have to tell anyone and he specialises in post-traumatic stress…."

"I said no, Maura." Jane shook her head. There was no way she could risk having anyone at the precinct find out. "I'll do anything else, but no shrinks."

"I thought you might say that." Jane frowned at her friend, who seemed remarkably cheerful about her reply as she rose to her feet and crossed to the coffee table, retrieving a plain envelope and returning to the breakfast bar.

"Here." She handed the file to Jane who read through the pages while chewing on her thumb nail.  
>Maura watched in silence. She had anticipated Jane's reluctance to speak to anyone and called Doctor Beck herself. It had taken her two hours of convincing, but he'd eventually sent her everything she would need to at least get Jane on the right path.<p>

Jane looked up from the file and raised an eyebrow in question. "Why do I need to keep a journal?"

"You clearly have a problem opening up to anyone." The words fell from Maura before she had a chance to edit them. "You're too insular! So if you keep a journal, then you are starting to get these thoughts and feelings out in preparation for the therapy sessions I'll hope you'll eventually attend."

"Why can't I just talk to you?" Jane closed the file and placed it back on the coffee table.

The question startled Maura given how reluctant Jane had been to tell her about the panic attacks. "Well, I don't…." Maura frowned. "I mean, it's not my area of expertise." She decided, smiling sadly.

Jane nodded slowly. "How about as a friend?" she offered. Jane had tried therapy and it just didn't work for her, she found herself lying to her therapist almost as often as she did her mother.

Offering a radiant grin, Maura nodded slowly. "I think I'd like that."

"Ok, so when do we start this?" Jane felt her heart hammering in her chest at the mere suggestion. The papers that Maura had prepared for her had been all very simple, the tasks straight forward and clear. And terrifying.

"How about I go and get a few supplies and then we can go from there." Maura offered, "But there is something you need to do for me first."

Jane closed her eyes and tried hard to compose herself. A warm hand landed gently on her shoulder, squeezing softly and she leant back into the warmth of her friend. "Don't worry, you can do it. I promise." Maura whispered.

Feeling more alive than she had in days, Jane nodded. "Yes I can." She agreed softly. She felt renewed life tugging at the jagged edges of who she was becoming and allowed it to sooth her, warming her soul and sparking the fire that she'd feared was long extinguished.

"What do I have to do?" Clenching her jaw, she turned to face Maura, steeling herself against the battle she knew she was about to march in to.

Brushing deep chocolate hair from Jane's finely chiselled face; Maura couldn't supress the grin when she saw a familiar fire in her friend's eyes. She grazed her thumb slowly over a fine cheekbone and studied that fire, it would engulf the detective sooner rather than later and for the first time since she'd arrived, Maura was starting to feel its warmth radiating from the brunette.

"You have to go into your bedroom and take those pink dots off the mirror." She said simply. "Today is a new start and you don't need them anymore."

Jane grinned and hopped to her feet, almost joyously.

"No problem!" she said as she practically skipped into her bedroom.


	5. Chapter 5

Jane's Journal Entry. Day One:

_I don't know why I have to do this, it's ridiculous really but Maura seems to think it'll help and so I'm doing it…. For her. I wish she was here, she could tell me what the hell I'm meant to be writing. She left about an hour ago, made me take all my pink panic spots off the mirror while she went to the store to 'buy me a gift'. Y'know, she's usually really good at that but this time she really sucked! Got me this notebook, a small brown paper bag and some rubber bands, says I'll need them for tomorrow. I don't know what sort of kinky shit they do in Europe but that just don't do it for me! Then she starts asking me about Red Sox stats. I think tomorrow is gonna be a weird ass day. _

_Why the hell am I writing about Maura? She's gonna kick my ass if she finds out that I'm not taking this seriously, only reason I'm writing at all is that crazy bitch next door kept banging on my door when I was talking to… well that doesn't matter! She's not like that when Maura's around, it's all; 'hi sweetheart, I baked you some cookies' and 'It's so good of you to come here and take care of her'. I'm not a houseplant! _

_She's right though, Maura is good to me. I really don't deserve her. She says some shrink friend has given her a program for me, showed me some stuff about PTSD and what I should do. Got a horrible feeling she's gonna get all deep and insightful and make me talk about it. She said she won't but she also said that Jorge was in medicine! I guess she's learning how to lie, I must be a bad influence on her. Ha! _

_Wonder what she's got in store for me tomorrow, I hope it involves baseball and beer! Unlikely though, she said it'd be harder than today – like today was easy! Can't be that bad though, I mean, so far I've passed out, cried and been naked and she's still around. Damn! I am lucky to have her! Anyone else would've run from this crazy clusterfuck a long time ago. I must do something nice for her, maybe I can cook one of those fancy meals she likes…. Or order one in! Don't wanna poison her. _

_I will tell her tomorrow how much I appreciate everything she's done for me. Anyway, my hands hurt; I think it's going to rain again. Thanks for that Hoyt, thank you and fuck you! Channel 6 weather did me well enough. I should've killed that monster when I had the chance, but then Internal Affairs would've been all over my ass, shooting an unarmed and incapacitated man and Maura would never have forgiven me. Still I wish I'd done it, I could've ridden a desk for a few months if it meant I was free of him. Why won't he just leave me alone, am sick of seeing him in my dreams? _

_Ok, I'm going, my hands are so sore. _

-/-

"Jane?" Maura pushed open the door and was surprised to find the delicate aroma of lemon floating around the room. Since the shooting, Jane had been uncharacteristically lapse in her cleaning duties but it was obvious she'd been busy this morning.

"Jane?" she called again as she set her purse on the seat of the couch and started down the hall. The sound of the shower greeted her and she smiled. She hadn't expected Jane to be so willing to act on her plan but so far, it was going well.  
>Stepping into the bedroom, she rapped on the bathroom door.<p>

"Good morning, Jane!" she called loudly.

"Oh, hey Maur!" she could tell from the timbre of her voice that Jane was brushing her teeth in the shower again. "I'll be out in a minute."

Maura turned, pausing only to collect up Jane's carelessly discarded nightwear and folding it before tucking it under her pillow. She returned to the living space and busied herself in the kitchen, pancakes and coffee were the order of the day.

As she served up a second short stack and placed the syrup between the two plates, Jane appeared, a towel wrapped around her hair and her favourite worn BPD shirt over yoga pants.

"Maura. You rock!" the brunette crashed into her seat and ate greedily. "I'm starving."

"You really should chew more thoroughly." Maura told her, taking a smaller bite of her breakfast as she watched the detective demolish her stack in record time. "You're going to choke one day."

Jane waved her concerns away before reaching for more syrup. She paused with the bottle halfway over her stack and stared at it. "Where did this come from?" she asked suddenly, dropping her fork and searching to see if the sticky sauce was even in date. "I haven't bought syrup in…" she paused, "well, I don't even know how long."

Maura smiled, it was good to see her friend so upbeat and cheerful, so Jane-like again. She knew that today was going to be hard for her and seeing her start the day with such childish glee filled and warmed her heart.

"I know how much you enjoy it." She admitted, dropping her eyes to her own breakfast to avoid the loving gaze that was soon settled on her. "So I picked some up when I was at the store." She pushed her fruit around the plate, focusing on anything but the love that poured across the island towards her. Today was going to be hard on Jane, she knew that and the unabashed and unguarded adoration that was aimed at her was filling her with guilt.

Jane felt the tension radiating from her friend; her pancakes suddenly seemed to catch in her throat. "Maur?"

Plastering her best smile on her face, Maura looked up, meeting deep brown, hope laden eyes.

"Are you ok?" Jane asked softly, afraid that her breakfast was going to attempt an encore performance. "Is there something wrong with the syrup?" she laughed weakly.

"Well, it's full of sugars, sodium benzoate, sorbic acids and hexametaphosphates." Maura began, feeling herself relax as the list of ingredients fell from her lips. "None of it is good for you; you really should have some fruit, these strawberries for example have phenols, particularly anthocyanin which has anti-oxidant properties as well as vitamin c, manganese, potassium and vitamin k."

Jane raised one carefully sculpted eyebrow as she pushed her plate away. "Ok, what's wrong?"

"Wrong?" Maura asked as she forked a strawberry into her mouth, chewing slowly. "Why would something be wrong?"

Rolling her eyes, Jane sighed. "You always do the talking Google thing when you're worried about something, so spill."

Maura sighed and pushed her own plate to the side, her own appetite departing under the detective's curious gaze. "It's going to be hard on you Jane, this therapy." She admitted, her voice shaking with each word. "I'm not sure I'm the best person to help you."

Jane reached out, taking a warm but shaking hand in her own. "You're the best person to help me with this. You're the only one that really knows me." Maura met her eyes slowly. "You're the only one I can trust with this."

Jane desperately wanted to look away, to hide the insecurity she felt from her surprise admission but she held Maura's gaze and smiled weakly, taking comfort from the warm hazel that filled her. Maura's hands steadied in her grasp and she rubbed her thumbs slowly over the dense scars on the back of them. Her eyes dropping to look at the raised pink flesh as she massaged it gently.

"I trust you" Jane whispered. "I know you won't let me hurt myself and if I do, hey, there's already a doctor in the house."

Maura laughed despite herself and squeezed the long fingers. "Ok." She took a few deep breaths to centre herself. "Let's take care of these dishes and we'll begin."

-/-

Jane stood in the middle of the living room and shook her head. Maura hadn't been kidding when she said today was going to be harder. Maura had already checked to make sure she was using her journal and seemed pleased that she'd at least made an effort to write something. Jane had been glad she'd not read the entry but rather opened the simple notepad to see if she'd made one.

"I'm not sure I can do this." She admitted.

"Of course you can, Jane." Maura sat with a box on her lap as she waited patiently. "Just do 4 and then you can have a break."

Jane chewed on her lip and paced slowly. Maura had washed, dried and put away the dishes while she had fetched her 'gifts'. Now, standing with a brown paper bag in her hand and a thick rubber band around her wrist, she felt foolish.

"Now, get the notepad and a pencil." Maura instructed softly. "The more you think about it, the harder it will be."

Snapping the band on her wrist, Jane winced as the rubber bit into her flesh. Maura had been right, of course. The pain from the band snapped her from her impending panic and she strode towards the answering machine.

"Here goes nothing." She said as she lifted a pencil with a shaking hand. "Can't we start with the mail?" she asked hopefully, turning to fix the doctor with pleading eyes.

"No." Maura told her simply as she opened the box containing the new phone she'd purchased after Jane's impromptu demolition of her previous one. "You need to clear your messages before we can install the new phone."

Jane's heart hammered in her chest and she closed her eyes, forcing herself to focus on the task. With a final snap of the band against her wrist, she pressed play.

"Hello Jane." It was Maura's voice that filled the room, instantly soothing the frazzled detective. She smiled as she looked to her friend. "I didn't want you to come home and be alone so I'm calling you before I bring you home from the hospital." Jane's eyes filled with tears and she spun to look to her honey haired friend who hung her head and refused to meet her gaze. "I'm so pleased you're doing better, I know you don't like it when I get overly emotional on you but we are all so glad you're coming home." There was a pause on the tape and Jane swallowed loudly, even over her own heartbeat hammering in her ears, she could hear the emotion and love in her friends message, all the things she wasn't saying filled the room and her heart. "I missed you." A loud beep made her jump and she pressed pause before crossing to kneel before Maura.

Wet hazel eyes danced around, trying to avoid meeting chocolate brown. Jane smiled, a single tear falling unchecked down her cheek as she leant in and wrapped her friend in a bear hug, knocking the wind from both their lungs.

"I don't deserve you." Jane whispered softly before getting to her feet and rubbing at her face and returning to the answering machine, leaving Maura somewhat stunned.

Maura watched as Jane went through all eighteen of her messages, taking down numbers and names. She hadn't expected her to get through the four she'd assigned for the morning and yet Jane fought the panic that was evident, to Maura at least and dealt with every one. With every message from Maura, and there were a total of five, Jane would cross to the sofa and wrap her in an equally enthusiastic hug before returning to the machine. Maura understood why she did it, the contact and the warmth seeming to balance and calm the usually unflappable detective and giving her enough strength to continue, the reason for hugging her in particular was still a mystery to her.

With the task completed, Jane fetched them both a large mug of coffee and sat down on the sofa, propping her feet up on the coffee table and sighing heavily. She felt like she'd just run the Boston marathon twice over.

"I'm very proud of you Jane." Maura sipped her coffee slowly. Her throat was dry and she was glad for the bitter liquid. Jane rested her head against her shoulder and sighed, the warm smell of the doctor's cinnamon shampoo filled her nose. "You've done incredibly well today."

Jane smiled, the sense of accomplishment she felt surprised her.

"Can I ask you a question?" Jane sat up as Maura hesitated, seeming to wait for her permission to vocalise the enquiry.

"Ok." Jane's usually husky voice seemed even more raspy than usual, the exhaustion from her emotional trial draining her basic functions.

"Why did you keep coming to hug me?" She could hear the tremor in Maura's voice. "Not that I mind if you need to hug me." She admitted coyly.

Jane sighed, she wasn't sure she had the energy to answer. It had already been a long and exhausting morning and all she really wanted to do was curl up on the sofa and have a nap.

"Because." She yawned as she settled herself down on the sofa, her long legs draping over the pristine lap of her friend and being instantly accepted by warm, unspoilt hands. "You make me feel safe." Jane admitted, she was too tired to worry about laying her emotions bare after all, the doctor had seen the rest of her that way.

"Hugging you feels like coming home." She mumbled as sleep consumed her, leaving Maura to grin loving down on her sleeping form.


	6. Chapter 6

Jane had been asleep for almost two hours, her rhythmic breathing punctuated with the occasional gentle snore. Maura watched the detective; the peaceful expression she wore softened even the roughest of edges.  
>Only when Jane slept did she allow herself to really look at the brunette, to study her sharp and chiselled features, the gentle curve of her lips. She was aware of the rumours that flew wildly around the precinct, the speculation about the true nature of their relationship. She worked hard to keep them from Jane, she knew that, with her catholic upbringing and fiery temper, the detective wouldn't take the information well and so it was an on-going argument that she faced alone.<br>Maura smiled as Jane mumbled in her sleep, just when she thought she was beyond being surprised, Jane would always find a way. It was the week before the shooting when she had done just that. Striding confidently into the morgue, Jane had set a flier carefully onto the table and slid it towards Maura, a cocky grin spreading widely over her face.

Maura regarded the document briefly before returning her attention to the computer screen as her heart fluttered wildly in her chest.

"Wanna go?" Jane had purred into her ear, sending bolts of electricity through to the doctors very core. She glanced up, seeing the smirks on the faces of a handful of detectives she recognised from the vice squad fall into gaping O's of shock as they, not so discreetly, watched the exchange through the window.  
>Jane's fingers had brushed the hair back from her neck, exposing creamy white skin before placing a soft kiss on the rapidly flushing pulse point and flipping the bird to the men standing at the window.<p>

Maura smiled at the memory, and the possibilities it may still open up to her. She was realistic in her expectations. It had taken Jane's shooting for it to become clear to Maura herself. Their casual flirting, each with a lack of a significant male in their lives, the regularity of their leaving together, and often arriving together. It was an equation that added up to the answer that many had arrived at. And yet. Maura sighed sadly, it was the sad tale of another unrequited love. She knew her feelings for Jane ran deeper and stronger than friendship, watching the sleeping brunette she felt that familiar tug in her chest and wondered how it had taken her this long to work it out. But right now, Jane needed Maura the doctor, Maura the friend. Not Maura the love sick puppy reaching for the impossible.

From the coffee table, her cell buzzed into life, vibrating its way across the coffee table.

"Doctor Isles." She whispered, careful not to wake Jane as she crawled out from under impossibly long legs. "I'm on my way." She paused for a moment, to drink in her sleeping detective before stripping a page from the notebook by the phone and jotting down a message and leaving it on the coffee table.

_Jane _

_I had to go into work but I've set up your new phone. I'll call you as soon as I'm able. Answer my call… please?_

_~ M_

-/-

Pulling up to the crime scene, Maura pulled her identification from her purse and took a deep breath. She could tell from the dusting of officers and detectives that this involved the vice squad; a group of men who seemed to leave their manners and standards at the door and never really remembered to collect them again. Maura couldn't decide if it was their line of work and the people they had to deal with on a daily basis that caused the vulgarity in them or if they moved to vice because of it.

Stepping from the car, she flashed her ID to the officer guarding the perimeter and slipped gracefully under the yellow tape.

"Mmmm, mmm!" Detective Benson eyed her hungrily as she passed. "When you gonna get tired of Rizzoli?" he asked, falling into step next to her as she approached the alley way. It was always alleys. She ignored him, the stale coffee and cigars wind that flew from his mouth made her stomach clench. "C'mon doc." Another assault of breath. "You know she can't do for you what I can." He laughed heartily as though he'd made something close to a joke. Maura stopped sharply and stared at him, a playful glint dancing through her hazel eyes. "You're correct Detective." She admitted. It was times like this when she was glad she had a hard time lying. He beamed, his foul breath washing over her as his lips parted, revealing worse teeth. "Jane could never make me feel as ill as looking at you does!"

She smiled warmly before turning and heading towards Korsak who was already standing over the body, gesturing wildly. Benson was a pig, but he was pretty harmless, she'd learnt that when Jane had cornered him in the morgue after a comment had left Maura visibly shaken. Whatever she had said to the man had sent him running, in the very literal sense.

"Hi Doc." Korsak smiled as she laid her hand on his arm in way of greeting as she moved past him. "19 year old, white female, stab wound to the chest." He began as she slipped into the simple purple gloves and began examining the body. "Looks pretty simple, she was stabbed down there." Maura was aware he was gesturing towards the darker end of the alleyway. "She stumbled down here before falling there."

Maura glanced up as the coroners van arrived. Korsak was right, it did look very clear. There was a large stab wound in the young woman chest over her heart and the amount of blood surrounding her indicated that she'd bled out. "Frost has picked up her john, covered in blood." He continued. "Doc?" she looked up, finally meeting his eyes. "Are you ok?"

Despite the numerous barbaric and gruesome things Vince Korsak had seen in his many years in homicide, the older man always had a soft word and a shoulder should you need to cry. It was the thing she liked the most about him.

"Yes." Maura's reply was almost automatic. "I'm just worried about…" she caught herself in time and smiled. "Thank you Vince." Reaching out to squeeze his arm gently, she nodded towards the men with the trolley who manoeuvred the victim into a body bag before wheeling her back towards the van. "I'll have my preliminary report for you in a couple of hours."

Maura smiled weakly and turned back to the mouth of the alley. She froze momentarily at the sight before her. Detectives Parmenti and Summers stood together, laughing. On her first day as M.E for the State of Massachusetts she had encountered both men and taken an instant dislike to them. They were the definition of chauvinist pig, with their belittling comments and sexist attitudes. Both had been suspended at least once while claims of sexual harassment had been investigated and eventually dismissed. Maura walked towards them slowly, missing Jane more in that moment than she had in the last few weeks. Jane made her feel safe and the rumours, and more specifically the comments, very never vocalised to her face. Without her around, she found that some people were more likely to get the odd snipe in here and there.

"Hey, look who it is." Parmenti saw her first, nudging his partner. "Doctor Dyke Death." He grinned at her, his lecherous eyes roaming freely over her form. "Where's your girlfriend?" he sneered, watching as she moved closer.

"You running home to her now, late to cook her dinner I'll bet." Summers chimed in.

Maura pushed past both men fighting to control the emotion she felt bubbling just under the surface.

"I'll bet Rizzoli is the man." Parmenti grunted, drawing laughter from his friend. "Looking after her lil lady." He winked at her as he slapped for her ass and missing by millimetres. "Take care of you good does she?" Summers laughed, the innuendo dripping in his tone and making her feel physically sick. Despite herself, she hung her head, on the verge of running the final few paces to her car; she felt the warm sting of tears on her cheek. She turned the engine over quickly and sped away from the men, pulling into a side road a few blocks down and crying quietly into the darkness.

-/-

Jane awoke with a start, pillows falling from the sofa like confetti, blowing loose papers to the ground, unnoticed. Looking around the room, she was surprised to find herself alone. Getting to her feet, she scanned the coffee table for a note before padded silently to the bathroom, knocking gently on the door. "Maura?" she called, only to be greeted by silence. Pushing the door open, it was exactly how she'd left it earlier that day. From the hallway, a loud bang startled her.

Slumping onto the bed, she felt the familiar tightening in her chest, the rise of bile in her throat that preceded the panic attacks she'd grown so accustomed to. "Hold it together. Someone just slammed a door." She whispered reaching for the rubber band on her wrist and snapping it viciously against her skin. Closing her eyes against the dizziness that rocked her, she reached for the journal that Maura had insisted on. If she was going to conquer this, she had to throw herself in head first. Gritting her teeth, she turned to a fresh page and, with shaking fingers, began to write.

_Ok, well I guess I'm actually going to use this for its intended purpose. I just woke up and I'm freaking out. Cleared all my messages earlier, never been so scared of something in all my life, not of Hoyt or shooting myself. Those things, there was always someone who could help me, some way out, some cure. Or maybe I've just made my peace with dying. _

_I woke up and Maura's gone, no note, nothing. I think I really freaked her out, keep hugging her like that. I don't even know why I did it. That's a lie; she's like my safe place. Maybe it's because she's a doctor? Maybe its just her… she was really quiet though. _

_I'm kinda freaking out, she'd not here and I don't know why. Someone dropped something in the hall or slammed a door, sounded like a gunshot. Fuck that cokehead Marino! Why should I have to suffer for him? He isn't suffering for me. But you see, that's the thing, I'm not suffering for him. I didn't blow holes in us to stop him, I did it for Frankie and ….. If I had to do it again, I would. He's a good brother and he'll be a great detective when he's back._

_Wow, this really works, I feel less panicky already. Maybe she's right, she usually is!  
>So, Marino was dirty, I can't believe it, can't believe he'd take me hostage… ME! Glad it was me though and not Maura, I couldn't live with myself if something happened to her, she'd a goofy oddball but her heart is in the right place. Haha. I wish she was here to tell me why her heart will always be in the exact position it is. <em>

_I remember she was the last thing I saw on that day, she looked so broken and so beautiful. I see why men flock to her, she's a real angel. I remember her voice, it was really distant but really clear, like she was whispering in my ear. That's stupid, I know. The paramedics shouted at her before I blacked out.  
>Damn Marino all the way to hell!<br>This sucks, I don't want to be alone here, this apartment feels too big.  
>I'm going to call Maura! See, therapy… I'll tell you how it goes. <em>

_Ok. It took almost an hour but I did it. I made a phone call! How officially ridiculous is it that I'm celebrating that? She didn't answer and I couldn't make myself leave a message. _

_I hope she'll be back soon, I don't feel right anymore, like something is missing – clearly I'm not right if I think the thing missing in my life is a woman. Imagine Ma's reaction to that one. Although Maura is a doctor, Ma'd love telling Carla Tulluci all about that!_

_Eugh, I must be tired or hungry or maybe I am just plain crazy. I don't think this is working so I'm going to get some cocoa puffs. _

_This is exactly why I don't believe in all this psychobabble, makes you say and think shit that's just plain insane. Work their way in to get more money from you, planting the seeds and making you grow the crazy crop so they can harvest and cash in on it. Bastards. _


	7. Chapter 7

As Maura turned into Jane's street, cartons of Chinese food and a bottle of wine on the seat next to her, it was almost 11pm. The autopsy had taken longer than she had anticipated and Parmenti and Summers' comments had ruffled her more than she cared to admit. All she really wanted to do was go home and have a long hot bubble bath, but something brought her back to Jane. Whatever it was, she was losing control of it and, truth be told, she didn't want to have to hide it anymore.

Collecting together the evening meal, she locked the car and slowly made her way up the stairs into Jane's building, not bothering to knock when she got to Jane's, she let herself in, glad to be 'home'.

"Where the hell have you been?" Jane was wild, her unkempt hair giving her the appearance of some insane cave woman.

Maura felt the fire in her stomach, she really didn't want to have to fight with Jane on top of the evening she'd had. "I even called you!" Tears streaked down the brunette's face, unbeknownst to Maura they were tears of relief. "You didn't even answer me, where were you?" Jane stopped, her hands planted firmly on her hips and she waited for Maura to reply.

Maura stared, agape at the reaction. "What the hell Jane?" In spite of her increasing anger, she set the wine bottle carefully on the table, pushing the mountain of mail out of the way. "I just walked in and you're screaming at me."

Jane backed up; the delicate fury that radiated from the honey blonde set her on edge. It was a tone she'd never heard from her friend before and it unsettled her more than she cared to admit.

"Maura, I'm….."

"Yes Jane, yes you, it's always all about you." Maura growled, a low hum in her throat that made her feel ill and empowered at the same time. "Have you ever thought that not everything is about you?"

"Maur, please… I didn't mean… I just…"

"I don't want to hear it Jane." She threw the Chinese take-out at her friends feet, "I'm leaving, I've had enough self-centred, arrogant bullshit for one night!" She turned smartly, covering the four paces she'd taken into the apartment in two large strides. "You don't even want me here so why should I bother?"

Jane followed as Maura strode out of the door, her head hanging in shame as she was sure she was out of Jane's line of sight.

"Maura please, I _need_ you." Jane called after her, her panic and fear slamming her into an invisible wall at the threshold of her home. Tears shook her body as she spoke but she fought to keep them from her tone.

Maura paused in the hallway, glancing back over her shoulder. "Prove it." She whispered before turning and disappearing into the night.

Sliding down the doorframe, Jane sobbed. Her insecurity and completely unfounded sense of abandonment had consumed her since she'd awoken had near driven her completely insane in the time she'd had to consider why and where Maura had gone that was so urgent she couldn't even leave a note.

As the sobs subsided, Jane growled, a low and primal sound that started, she guessed, somewhere in her feet before gaining in strength and power before erupting from her throat. Getting roughly to her feet, she reached out, her hand hitting the bottle of wine that Maura had so carefully set down and launching it across the apartment. It smashed in a crimson flood against the kitchen cupboard and fired her further. Ripping up handfuls of unopened mail, Jane screamed as bills, letters and junk mail danced around her like confetti, littering the floor in her own ticker tape parade of fury.

There was nothing to say, no words she could form. Three weeks of pain, frustration and fear exploded from every pore and destroying everything in her path. She paused in front of the dummy Korsak and Frost had sent to her, its giant faceless blue form hanging there in mocking celebration of her weakness. With one final guttural scream, Jane Rizzoli gave in to the emotion that had threatened to overcome her and laid into the stuffed humanoid.

-/-

"Good evening Maura" Doctor Charles Beck greeted his friend and colleague warmly. "I'm surprised you called so late in the evening."

Maura hung her head, she didn't want to be here, she wanted to go back to Jane's and hold her until the world made sense again but she couldn't. Jane was going through enough without having to deal with her childish issues too.

"Good evening Charles." She offered a half smile as he held the door to his home open. "I appreciate this. Really." Stepping into the tastefully decorated hallway, she felt as out of place here as Jane did at all of the gallery openings she'd dragged her to. "I just didn't know where else to turn."

Charles guided her into the living space, offering her a seat and a tumbler of malt whiskey before sliding into his own well-worn leather recliner. He watched as she sipped the drink slowly; ice clinking softly against glass and echoing in the silence.

"What happened Maura?" he asked when she made no effort to speak.

Looking up at him, Maura's eyes swam with tears; she had no idea where to start. "I had a fight with Jane." She ventured eventually, her voice so small Charles nearly missed it. "I can't do this anymore."

Charles frowned. He'd known Maura Isles for almost fifteen years and in all that time, he'd never heard her so defeated. Sitting stoically, he waited for her to continue, having learnt that she would in her own time.

"I can't do this job without her." Maura sipped her whiskey, her nose crumpling up with each taste. "She's accustomed to the work place banter, the assumptions about us…." Her voice trailed off and she stared into the amber liquid as if searching for an answer.

"What assumptions are those?" Charles asked softly, his own voice dropping to match hers.

"And it's not like I didn't try and help her, she always puts her own needs ahead of mine." Maura sidestepped the question smartly, the last thing she wanted to do right now was get into her feelings for Jane. "I've tried to be there but she's so angry or stoic. I just don't know who I'm going to see each day. I just want my Jane back" A sob bubbled in her throat at the admission and she slid the tumbler onto the side table before holding her head in her hands.

"Oh Maura." Charles crossed the expanse between them and settled on the couch next to her, a strong arm wrapping gently around her shoulder. "She's going through a lot." He rubbed her back gently as he spoke.

Maura pulled back suddenly. "And I'm not?" she almost spat the words out. "I don't want to have to pretend that I don't hear what isn't being said all the time." Charles frowned as he searched the eyes before him; it was obvious she was trying to tell him something but her meaning was lost in her elusiveness. "I'm tired of no one coming out and saying what they want." Maura put it as plainly as she could think of, "but there are some people who need to not talk about our relationship."

Charles nodded as his whiskey clouded mind finally caught up with where Maura was, albeit scenically, heading with her thoughts. "Does it help that I don't think you're a lesbian?"

Maura fell back, putting as much distance between herself and the man she thought she knew as the couch would allow.

"You're not even listening!" she barked, "I'm not talking about sexuality." She slammed the glass onto the table, spilling the aged blend onto its surface. "I don't care that they think that we're flinging, I just want Jane to stop being so elusive and let me help her!"

Charles sat back and frowned. "Flinging?" A wry smile crept over his expression and Maura felt the same fire in her stomach. He wasn't laughing with her, he was laughing at her. "Does the vernacular really matter right now?" she got to her feet. "I'm sorry Doctor Beck, I don't think you're in a position to help me. You don't seem to understand people at all; in fact, I'd go as far as to say that your people skills are worse than some of my patients." She turned smartly and headed for the door.

As she slammed the front door behind her, Maura slipped from her shoes and crossed barefoot, to her car, throwing the Balenciaga pumps violently into the back seat before starting the car and heading aimlessly into the night.

Maura drove. It was all she could think of to do, to return home felt like a betrayal and yet she wasn't ready to face Jane or her temper. Since the shooting, Maura had seen her own bed only once and that had been the night Jane had returned home. After dropping her off at her apartment, Maura had returned to her own home and retrieved a 2005 Poderi Colla Barolo Bussia Dardi le Rose, a $50 bottle that she'd received as a gift from Angela on her birthday, and poured herself a large glass, and then another and another before falling into her own bed and finishing the remaining liquid.  
>When she awoke the next morning, with a pounding headache, it was all she could do to leap from the bed. The secret truth being that sleeping in her own bed, without Jane, made her feel lonelier than she'd ever anticipated it possible. Without Jane by her side, she had slept in either the guest house, the guest room or, more often than not, curled up on the couch.<p>

Parking the car, she looked up at the building beside her. She knew she'd end up back at Jane's. Glancing towards the small clock, it told her, in its own unique neon way that it was 3am. She sat and watched the building for more than ten minutes, Jane's apartment was still well lit although she could see no sign of movement. Stepping silently into the street, she headed up the cold concrete steps and let herself through the main door, ignoring her brain's attempts to tell her all the horrible things that she could be standing in in her bare feet.

Resting her forehead on the front door, Maura listened closely for any sound that could indicate Jane was anything other than sleeping soundly. It felt to her like an hour had passed before she could push the key into the lock and twist the lock open. The sight before her crushed her heart. The apartment looked like it had been ransacked; pieces of paper littered the floor with gay abandon, the Chinese meal she had left on her previous visit remained on the floor, the cartons having been stood on, shedding their contents across the rug and the smell of the wine filled the air. Maura could see no glass but a cursory glance to the kitchen explained why.

On the sofa, Jane was sleeping fitfully. Her long limbs twitching as eyes danced behind closed lids. Her cheeks tear stained and red. Feeling the tug in her heart, Maura fetched a blanket from the linen cupboard before turning off the lights and nudging Jane gently back onto the sofa, making room for herself in front of the sleeping woman. As the heavy wool blanket fell over the pair, Jane's eyes fluttered open, unfocused, but the warm smell of cinnamon filled her nose, comforting her instantly.

With Maura back and now in her arms, Jane sighed happily, her arms wrapping instantly around the shaking doctor and sending her back to sleep. In the strong embrace, Maura finally felt her world falling back into place. For the first time that evening, she realised where she was meant to be.  
>The therapy would be hard on Jane that much she had known, but she had never anticipated it would be so hard on her to see her friend so broken and unsure of herself. Lying on the cramped couch, she sighed heavily. "Good night Jane." She yawned into the darkness.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors note: Hi all, just wanted to throw a little note in to say, well hi and thank you all for your kind reviews and PMs.  
>I'm glad you're all enjoying it, happy reviews make me want to write faster. <strong>

Maura awoke to a screaming pain in her lower back. Groaning into the morning, she stretched, the action causing her back to spasm violently, throwing her head back and inadvertently colliding with the unprotected and unexpecting nose of Jane.

"Fuck it." Jane was flailing her arms against the unseen attack before her eyes had full opened, the motion pushing Maura unceremoniously onto the floor.

"Ouch!" Maura lay motionless, doing a mental inventory of her body before rubbing the small of her back gingerly.

"Maura?" Jane held her nose, peering over the couch cushion and regarding the doctor on her floor with inquisitive eyes. "Why are you on the floor?"

Maura sat up and smiled at her. "You put me here." She offered weakly. In the deep brown that greeted her, she saw none of the anger that had sent her storming from the apartment the previous evening, only the usual mix of mild irritation and gentle humour that made up Jane's 'just woke up' look. "Oh Jane, your nose." Ignoring the pain in her back, Maura knelt before the brunette, batting her hands away and regarding her nose carefully. "It's not broken." She whispered, suddenly acutely aware of their physical closeness and the heat of the other woman.

As Jane watched her, Maura saw a familiar twinkle in the detective's eye, it was one she'd thought long gone but there it was, dancing playfully. She'd seen it many times before, when Jane pieced the clues of a case together, each one falling into its rightful place in her mind. She smiled weakly, taking Maura's hand in her own. "I'm sorry." She whispered, her warm breath tickling Maura's lips and sending a shiver through her. "About last night?"

Maura shook her head, trying to ignore the electric tingling in her hand. "I shouldn't have... I mean. It was a bad evening. I shouldn't have been so quick to react." Jane's fingers brushed the back of her hand leaving a trail of fire in their wake. "What happened here?" she asked, standing quickly. She didn't trust herself not to lean in and capture Jane's lips with her own.

Jane blushed, the warm pink hue spreading down her neck. "Well…." She ran her hands through her unruly hair and offered a weak, lop sided smile.  
>Grinning, Maura headed towards the kitchen, pausing when she saw the deep green glass littered across the tile.<p>

"Oh Maura…" Jane spun on the sofa, long arms reaching out in vain to try and stop the doctor. "Mind the glass." The soft giggle that escaped her lips warmed Maura more than she cared to admit. Raising an eyebrow slowly, Maura couldn't supress her own laughter, while the cause of the destruction that filled the apartment was, in part, her doing, she couldn't help but feel the change in the air. There was less tension than she'd noted previously and being near Jane felt more comfortable, more like before. Whatever had happened had released Jane, at least in part.

"I'll put on some shoes then." Maura decided, striding back to the couch and slipping her feet into Jane's work boots and causing more laughter from her friend. "Oooh." The surprise in her voice did nothing to cease Jane's giggles as she marched into the kitchen to put on some coffee. "These are surprisingly comfortable." She admitted, holding one foot aloft to examine the simple, black doctor martin shoe that now adorned her foot.

"Oh god, Maur…." Tears ran down Jane's cheeks as she watched her. Despite having slept in her clothes, Maura looked perfect, as always. Her dress, that Jane guessed probably cost more than a months rent, was only slightly wrinkled and topped with the rich honey blonde hair, Maura Isles looked ready for a fashion show… until one regarded her footwear. "Please…" she wheezed as Maura strutted around the kitchen it what could only be described as a Lady's attempt at the Rizzoli swagger. "I'm gonna pee!" Jane scrambled from the sofa, getting herself tangled in the blanket and slipping on Chinese noodles she'd neglected to clean up the previous night. Landing heavily on her rear, Jane snorted with laughter as Maura, in shoes that were at least one size too large, rushed to her side.

"Are you ok Jane?"

Holding her sides, Jane nodded. "I gotta pee so bad." She gasped, using Maura as a holding point to help her to her feet, before rushing to the bathroom. Maura watched the lanky woman sprint down the hall, her own giggles subsiding as she used the brief time to appreciate the athleticism on display before turning back to the kitchen and finally putting the coffee on.

-/-

With their breakfast consumed and the apartment finally looking more like a place to live than a side street after Mardi Gras, Maura sat and watched Jane as she picked through the new mail.

"See, I'm getting good at this!" Jane grinned as she ripped open the latest piece of junk mail and scanned the document before tossing across the table for Maura to shred.

"And the phone?" Maura asked casually.

Jane looked up and shrugged. "It hasn't rung in days." She told her, a small frown wrinkling her brow. "Hey! Why don't people call me?"

Maura smiled at the resentment in her tone. It was a definite improvement and tackling the days post had been entirely Jane's suggestion.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Maura continued, her eyes flicking up to gauge the reaction to her question, there was a fleeting wash of panic in Jane's eyes before she settled and seemed to consider the question.

"I dunno…." Her tone calm and even and surprising Maura. "What do you think?"

"I thought you might teach me some self-defence?" The nonchalance Maura had hoped for fell far short. She knew that this was a request Jane would willingly oblige but she couldn't help but feel guilty for asking. Part of her knew that the exercise would help with the second part of her regime for the day, which is why she'd initially thought to suggest it. The guilt came from wanting Jane all hot, sweaty and with her hands all over her. She smiled at the thought, the blush that consumed her cheeks, poured quickly down her chest.

"Is that a good idea?" Jane's words cut into her daydream and she looked up, surprise dancing on her face.

"I mean, can I do that, y'know, I did shoot myself!" Jane laughed softly.

"Oh yes, of course." Maura had been so focused on getting Jane back in control of her anxiety that she had forgotten the reasons behind it. She paused for a moment as realisation dawned on her. "You did rip your apartment apart last night." She reminded her. "And you don't appear to be suffering any side effects today."

Jane smirked. "And now you're teasing me."

"So, wanna get changed then?" Jane bounced on the balls of her feet, her long hair bouncing into her eyes as Maura laughed. "Just be careful with me, ok?" Jane tipped her a wink and helped her to her feet, laughing as Maura flustered over her reply on the way to the bedroom.

"Ok, now if you bring your elbow back, and bend forward, favouring the right…." Jane instructed softly. She had one strong arm wrapped around the doctors throat and was taking her through a simple manoeuvre.  
>Maura swallowed loudly, the heat radiating from Jane threatened to set a physical fire as well as the one that burnt in her heart and other regions. Her body, while fighting with baser impulses, followed Jane's instructions and she was surprised to see Jane falling past her right shoulder in slow motion. Looking up from the ground, Jane grinned back at her. "Obviously if someone's dragging you off the guest house to have their way with you, you really hit them hard, not in slow motion." Jane surmised as she got to her feet.<p>

The gentle sheen of sweat that covered her body made Maura's head spin. "Wanna do some more sparing?"  
>Jane had started the session with some gentle boxing practice on the already pummelled dummy before moving up to the boxing pads she had, by the time they got to any actual 'defending', Maura's body was vibrating. The proximity needed for such a lesson almost sent her over the edge and so, she nodded.<p>

"That would be good thing to end on." She stuttered as she slipped her hands onto some fist guards and bounced on her feet slowly as Jane shoved her hands into the large pads.

"Come at me!" Jane laughed as Maura threw a gentle right hook at the pad. "Really Maura?" the sarcasm dripped from her voice at the half-hearted effort. "My grandma throws a better punch."

Maura frowned, aiming a harder punch, followed quickly by three more. "That's better." Jane encouraged her as the doctor focused on the pads and put some weight behind her hits, sending the brunette stumbling back. Maura watched her, she was waiting for the exact moment to reveal part two of her plan and she knew from her own body that it was fast approaching. With another five or six heavy hits, she reached for Jane's hands, ripping the Velcro fastenings open pulling the gloves from her hands.

Jane met her eyes, her surprise written clearly over her face. "Do you trust me?" Maura asked as she threw both the pads and the fist guards onto the sofa.

Jane nodded slowly.

"Good! Come on!" she grabbed Jane's hand and pulled her towards the door and into the hallway before Jane had a chance to register the movement. By the time Jane had regained enough of her composure, she was standing in the warm evening air.

"Maur…."

"Don't think, just move." Maura told her, "I want a Frappuccino." She strode off down the street.

"But Maur…" the tremble in Jane's voice made Maura pause and turn.

"I'll race you!" Maura called back. "You know you can't beat me."

She waited, watching the detective. She knew she'd taken a risk with getting Jane out the house in this way but the adrenaline and other hormones released during their workout would compensate to this point. Now it was crunch time. Appealing to Jane's competitive nature was her last resort.

Jane paused, her body thrummed with adrenaline both from her workout and the situation she found herself in. She heard her own voice making mild protests before Maura's words hit home. '_You know you can't beat me_.'

Grinning, she took off after the doctor who seemed to realise almost too late that Jane was charging her down before turning, a huge grin bursting to life over her own face as she took off down the street.

The pair ran as fast as their legs would take them towards '911', the new coffeehouse that had appeared three blocks from Jane's apartment. Jane had sprinted past Maura after less than a block, the brunette's long hair flying out behind her as she shot past her.

'Go Jane!' Maura thought, her ridiculously huge grin growing even large as she watched Jane run. By the second block, Jane had slowed, at one point running backwards, the childish delight she wore stopped Maura in her tracks and she watched with unabashed joy as Jane danced, hopped and ran down the street.

With no surprise, Jane beat Maura to the coffeehouse. "Come on slow poke!" Jane teased. She felt free. Alive. For the first time in three weeks, she felt like herself.

Maura ran towards her, still grinning madly as Jane started a jog back to her. Wrapping the doctor in her arms and spinning her around, Jane screamed into the evening before setting Maura back on the ground and staring into wet, hazel eyes.

"Thank you." She said as sincerely as her excitement would allow, before planting a warm, salty kiss on the doctors lips.


	9. Chapter 9

All the colour drained from the street, leaving Jane nothing but the form before her. Plain white tennis shoes, delicately tanned and defined calves disappearing into faded black three quarter length trousers. A full and heaving chest encased in a cerulean blue tank. The dark pink hue of a blush burning under lightly freckled skin and darkened hazel, small green flecks more visible as eyes darkened further under her gaze. Just Maura. So dressed down and yet undeniably the most beautiful woman in all of Boston.

For what felt like an eternity, neither woman spoke nor moved and yet the air around them crackled with desire.  
>Releasing the doctor from her embrace, Jane stumbled a few paces backwards, her legs unwillingly to generate a gap. "I….." Jane's words died instantly, not that she consciously knew what to say, just that something should be said.<p>

"Don't." The strangled whisper fell from Maura's lips unchecked. Forcing herself back to reality, Maura closed her eyes and took a deep breath, reprimanding her carnal urges silently. "I think we've done enough for today." She announced suddenly. Jane nodded sadly, her heart pounding in her chest not, she realised, from her being out of the apartment, nor from the people who had started to stare as they passed, but from the volcanic heat that danced across her lips and ignited a fire someone further south that she'd long since thought extinct.

They walked back to Jane's apartment in a slow and confusing silence. Maura had ignored her attempts at conversation and so, reluctantly, Jane had just given up.

"If you could just hand me my purse." The clinical side of the doctor took over on the threshold of Jane's apartment, none of the goofy Maura visible, even to Jane's experienced eye.

"Maura. I…."

She held up a finger, silencing the word she feared would follow, she knew she owed Jane an explanation but until she had vocalised it in her own mind, she didn't want to say something to ruin their friendship. "Please Jane." Her voice shook. "Just hand me my purse." Maura watched as a crest fallen Jane turned away from her and crossed to retrieve the designer bag from its place by the sofa. "I'll see you tomorrow." Maura offered a weak smile and turned smartly on her heels, leaving Jane flustered and confused to stare after her.

-/-

_Jane Rizzoli, you are the biggest fuck up ever to walk this earth!_

_So, Maura says today that we're going to work out, for me to teach her some self defence. We do that, all normal, nothing strange at all, then she says she wants a Frappuccino and next thing I know, I'm standing in the street! She said I couldn't beat her in a race to that new coffee place, which of course I did! And then, I don't know what came over me, she ran up to me and I kissed her. Now she's left and I don't know what the hell happened. _

_It was that feeling like when you're standing on the top of a tall building or a cliff and there's that bit of you that tells you to jump. Well, I jumped.  
>I have no god damned clue where I'll land though!<em>

-/-

Stepping from the show, Maura Isles dried herself before walking slowly to the bedroom, her usual need for decency and decorum lost in the wake Jane's actions.

Absently she walked to the dresser, pulling open the drawer that Jane had taken as her own and slipping on the oversized football jersey that Jane usually slept in. Despite being regularly washed, it still smelt like the detective. She slid into fresh panties and a pair of Jane's sweat socks and padded silently into the kitchen to pour herself a large glass of wine.

"Hey Bass." She slipped slowly down the counter, sitting near the large tortoise as he chomped noisily on a plateful of strawberries.

"So, Jane kissed me today." She told him, taking a sip from her glass and regarding the tortoise thoughtfully. "It was the adrenaline, testosterone, and endorphins, of course." Bass looked up at her slowly, blinking a couple of times before dipping his head and snatching up another piece of fruit.

"Oh Bass." Maura sighed sadly. "Her lips are so soft. If she only knew how long I've waited for that, to feel her take me in her arms and…" she sniffed loudly, momentarily startling Bass. "I should have told her, explained why I just left but Bass. I mean, how do you do that? How does one go about explaining the complex biological and chemical reactions, not to mention the interpersonal boundaries that I would be crossing?"

Bass squelched his meal, offering her no response aside from the noise of his dining. "You're probably right." She continued. "It would be messy."

"She's doing really well though." Maura drained her wine glass before pouring another. "She came with me to the coffeehouse a few blocks down… Eat some greens." She pulled herself up, adding some more broccoli to his platter before settling back down and pulling the jersey over her knees.

"I think she's getting it, she seems different but the same." Bass regarded his new culinary addition before nudging it to the side in the search for more strawberries. "It's like she's found that part of herself she thought she lost, I could see it in her eyes."

Bass lifted his large weight from the floor and plodded slowly around the large platter, knocking into his confused owner as he did so.

"What should I do Bass?" Maura asked again, knowing that the reptile wouldn't answer her. "Do I tell her how I feel about her?" Bass looked up at her, strawberry juice and pips around his mouth. "Tell me what to do?" She stared at the tortoise, searching his ancient eyes before he turned, and plodded slowly away from his keeper.

"You're wrong." She told him, "I won't walk away from her, she's the only real thing I've known and I won't lose that."

-/-

Jane sat on the sofa, snapping her rubber band violently against her wrist, leaving a deep purple bruise. She stared at the sheet of paper in front of her and read and re-read the words she'd written.

'Pick up the phone!' she told herself sternly, her arm following the instructions before her anxiety had a chance to take control. Dialling the number, she gritted her teeth, sending electric pain through her jaw.

Maura heard the phone ring and sighed sadly. Since it was her house phone rather than her cell, she opted to ignore the call. If it was another case, they would call her cell. Part of her wished for a call from the precinct, something complex that she could lose herself in for a few hours, if not days. She didn't want to abandon Jane at this critical junction but with her own feelings clouding her thoughts, she couldn't help but think Jane would be better served without her.

"Thank you for calling the home of Doctor Maura Isles." Her own voice surprised her. Was she really that distant and disconnected? Yes, the living scared and intimidated her but her voice sounded as though it were a torture to have to interact with them, even electronically. "I'm afraid I am unable to reach the telephone." Again, she sounded robotic and foreign. Her outgoing message had been recorded many months ago, before her transfer to Boston, before she'd been accepted by the varied and numerous detectives, before she learnt how to live. Before Jane.

"Please leave a message and your contact number after the tone. Thank you."

Shaking her head, Maura made a note to change the message as soon as this caller had said their piece.

"Maura?" Jane's voice burst into the room, the deep timbre undermined by a gentle shaking. "If you're there, please don't pick up. I know what I want to say and if I hear your voice, I'll probably screw it up." Maura set her wine glass down as tears shook her body. Jane was doing it, not only was she facing her fears, she was actively chasing down her demons and kicking their asses. "I want to say I'm sorry about kissing you earlier, but not because you're gross to kiss, which you're not. I was overwhelmed with what you've helped me accomplish and my emotions just got the best of me. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable or weird." Maura heard Jane sigh and she could picture her running her long fingers through her hair as she often did when something hurt or frustrated her. "I'm not a lesbian or anything, I just well, I'm Italian you see, and it's in our nature to be overly tactile and affectionate. You know how it is, right?" Maura could hear the tremble in her friends tone increasing and she wanted to reach for the phone and sooth her worries, instead, she remained seated on the floor, opting to respect Jane's request that she not pick up the phone. "So yeah, that's what I wanted to say. I guess I should've just said thanks instead of planting one on you." Her laugh was genuine but weak and Maura could tell she was really struggling. "So yeah, that's what I wanted to say, if you don't wanna come by tomorrow, I'll understand, but if you do come by, could you pick Joe up from Korsak? I kinda miss her and I'll bet you were planning on bringing her by soon anyway, y'know as a reason for me to go out every day?"

Maura laughed, yes, Jane was certainly back. Given the success of the day's activity, she had intended to collect the scruffy dog and return her to Jane.

"Anyway, I hope you won't hold today against me. I honestly didn't mean anything by it at all."

"That's a shame." Maura whispered, despite knowing Jane couldn't hear her.

"So I'll see you tomorrow. Bye."

Jane hung up the call and collapsed backwards onto the sofa, her heart hammering in her chest. 'I did it.' She thought, 'I damn well did it!' Getting to her feet, she crossed to the fridge, pulling it open with an arm that felt as though it were made of lead. "That deserves a beer." She told herself, pulling the chilled bottle out and biting the cap off.

"Tomorrow, we phone that shrink and find out why I'm crushing on my best friend!"


	10. Chapter 10

Two things woke Jane Rizzoli on that Tuesday morning, the one that ripped her from her slumber was the undeniable fact that she had kissed her best friend, the most fleeting of contact really and yet one she feared had changed everything.  
>it was a fact of her life now and one that was starting to haunt her. In her conscious moments, she could taste Maura's skin, the gentle coat of sweat mixed with the warm and spicy lip gloss she always wore. In her unconscious moments, not that she had found many of those that night, her mind toyed with her, played the 'what if' game. What if you'd deepened the kiss; in her dream she'd pulled Maura closer, squeezing out all the air between them until there was nothing but the crush of their bodies, her hands settling on Maura's waist as she tentatively brushed her tongue along the doctors top lip, a ginger request for entrance. What if Maura had allowed it, her own hands exploring the well-defined landscape of Jane's back, well-manicured nails digging into the thin fabric of her top as they dragged down her back?<p>

What if she didn't? More than once, Jane had awoken in the night, her heart hammering wildly in her chest, tipping her towards panic.  
>it was this that ripped her from sleep. Brushing long strands of hair from her eyes, Jane was suddenly aware of a second hammering, one that matched the frantic beat of her heart. Only this one came from the front door rather than her chest. Getting slowly to her feet, the successes of the previous day fell like snow, unnoticed, as the familiar taste of bile burnt the back of her throat.<p>

The hall from her bedroom to the door seemed impossibly long and yet her feet continued to carry her forward, seemingly unaware of the meltdown happening above.

"Who is it?" she called, amazed by how normal she sounded when she could feel her entire body giving up on her.

"UPS ma'am." A gentle voice replied from behind the thick wood. "Your neighbour said you'd take in a parcel." Jane scrunched up her face and reached for the chain, watching her fingers shake and fumble with the simple metal. Pulling her hand back, she slapped herself viciously on the cheeks, the sting clearing her mind just enough for her to pull the door open and sign for the box. If the young man stood before her had been surprised by the dishevelled woman, her grey tank half ridden up, exposing both her simple black panties and angry bullet scar, he had enough sense not to stare.

"Thank you ma'am.." he smiled at her warmly before turning and leaving. Jane slammed the door and for the first time in two days, gave herself over to panic.

-/-

With a soy latte in hand, Maura isles found a seat in a quiet corner of '911' and slumped silently at the table, her usual concerns over cleanliness all but forgotten as she struggled to work out the best course of action. Despite her many academic achievements, nothing had prepared her for falling on love with her best friend. There was no study she could refer to that told her the best way to deal with it, tell her what to say. Yes, she'd had sexual encounters, even relationships with other women, but she'd always known in advance that they would end up in a physical place, there was nothing at all in her past that equipped her for what she was about to face.

As if on autopilot, she had gotten ready for the day, driving over to Jane's neighbourhood without even checking the time. It was only when the 8am news report blared into the car that she'd realised how early it was. Returning to the 'scene of the crime' as it were, did nothing to quell the confusion and hop that fought within her.

"Erm…. Hi." A soft voice cut into her reverie andmaura looked up, surprised to find a woman of no more than twenty standing before her, shifting nervously on her feet.

"hello." Maura replied, grateful for the distraction. "May I help you?"

The young woman smiled, "May I sit with you, just for a few minutes." The blush that ran across her face reminded Maura a lot of herself at that age, nervous, and a tad too polite to fit in with her peer group. "I am meeting a friend and I'm early you see." The girl explained with a weak smile, "And there is a very peculiar man who keeps asking me bizarre questions that I'm not entirely sure are appropriate…. Or even in English"

Maura nodded slowly, gesturing for her to sit.

"Thank you so much." The girl curled herself into the chair, one long leg bending up so, should she wish, she could rest her chin on her knee. "I'm Louise Steinman." She extended a hand slowly, "My friends call me Lou." Maura shook the coffee warmed hand gently. "Maura."

Lou seemed to consider this new information before nodding in admiration. "Maura?"" she rolled the name in her mouth carefully, deciding on its flavour. "I like it."

Maura grinned, very few people ever commented on her name, and even fewer voice a preference for it. "So Maura, you look like a woman with a dilemma." It was phrased as a simple fact and Maura felt the blush run across her cheeks. If she couldn't hide her feelings from a stranger, there was no way she could hide from Jane.

"Care to share?" Lou asked as she sipped her coffee slowly, regarding the doctor with inquisitive blue eyes.

"I really don't want to burden anyone." Maura began, "But I do appear to find myself in a bit of a quandary." In that moment, she hated her inability to lie efficiently.

"Love or work?" Lou asked, leaning back against the wooden chair as she tipped another sachet of sugar into her drink.

"I think I'm in love with my best friend." Maura sighed heavily, the words now free from her lips and dancing around the café, taunting her. "Yesterday we kissed." She couldn't' stop them escaping, "but I know that, well I'm the only one who…" Realising that she didn't actually _know_ anything, Maura returned her focus to the foam on her coffee.

"So, why did your friend kiss you then, if they don't feel the same?" Lou had picked up in the small detail Maura had deliberately left out.  
>Snapping her eyes up, she smiled. There was an intelligence in those sparkling blue eyes that far surpassed the young woman's years.<p>

"I would venture it was a mix of elation, adrenaline a, endorphins and testosterone." Maura offered eventually.

"And this friend…" Lou continued, as if Maura's explanation made perfect sense. "Has she kissed you before?" Maura shook her head, avoiding the gaze of the curious stranger. "And does she know you're into her?"

Maura pondered the question, a frown creasing her brow and knitting soft freckles together. She found it hard to believe that Jane wouldn't notice even though she had given the doctor no indication she was aware of Maura's increased feelings, although when it came to romantic interests, Jane was often completely unaware of a person's desire to date her.

"I don't believe so." Maura paused, playing back any event that could lead her to the conclusion she wanted. "I just don't know what to do." She admitted finally.

Lou seemed to pause, meeting the wet hazel eyes of the woman before her and holding her gaze longer than felt comfortable. "Wanna know what I'd do?" Maura nodded. An impartial opinion couldn't hurt.

"If she's that good a friend, she's gonna love you no matter what, right?" Lou tipped yet more sugar into her drink and stirred it slowly. "The only question you need to ask…" she paused, almost as if providing dramatic effect and sending Maura to the edge of her seat.

"What is the question?" Maura's usual saint like patience abandoned her.

Lou smiled thoughtfully as she took a long drink. "Could you live knowing you might have let the best thing in your life walk away because you were too scared to take a risk?"

"Lou!" a voice snapped both women from the question that fell to the table between them and Lou turned.

"That's my friend." She smiled sadly. "I should go." The younger woman uncurled herself from the chair and tossed her cup into the trashcan.

"Lou?" she stopped, waiting. "Thank you for your advice."

"You're real welcome." Lou beamed at her, "Good luck with your friend. Invite me to the wedding ok?" she laughed warmly as she trotted towards her friend and out of Maura's life forever.

Draining the rest of her coffee, Maura glanced at the clock on the wall. Almost 10am. Collecting herself, she got to her feet and threw the empty container in the bin. 'I'm coming Jane Rizzoli' she thought, 'I hope you're ready.'

-/-

"I got you a hideously over sugared confection." Maura called as she pushed open Jane's front door and tripped instantly over a large box. "Are we doing an assault course today?"

Jane appeared from the bedroom, her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail.

"Maura?" she seemed surprised to see the doctor, despite having made the arrangements herself. "Ooh, what'd ya get me?" she danced around the doctor; if she was feeling awkward about the previous day's events, she was hiding well.

"An all butter chocolate croissant." Maura sighed as she handed the bag over to the dancing detective. "You know it's all empty calories, you'll have a sugar crash in about an hour and a half."

Jane rolled her eyes as she bit into the pastry, delighted moans escaping her lips and blowing a shower of fine crumbs into the air. Maura shook her head but couldn't hide the smile that crept onto her lips. Jane had dealt with the previous day, she could see in her demeanour that the phone call had been enough to help her compartmentalise whatever had been happening with her and store it away, probably to never see the light of day again. And so, she would too.

"What we doing today?" Jane asked, sending another shower of crumbs spilling onto her t shirt, sending Maura scurrying for a plate.

"Something a little trickier than yesterday." She slipped the crockery under her friends chin, and nodding for Jane to hold onto it.

'Trickier?' Jane thought as she took the plate. 'Trickier than confusing the shit outta myself by kissing my best friend?'

"Yeah, like what?" she offered finally, settling the plate on the counter and watching Maura with concerned eyes.

Maura grinned at her. "You have choices." She told her proudly. "I'm going to let you decide.

Jane grinned playfully. 'I'd like to go running some more with you.' She thought. 'No, I'd like to kiss you some more.'

"What are my options then?" Jane asked, her impatience quick to surface.

"Well, you won't like either one." It was a simple fact. "But given how well you did yesterday…" she paused, glancing quickly at Jane for any signs of discomfort before continuing when she saw none. "You may either, go grocery shopping with me."

Jane felt her stomach flip violently. "Or?" she hoped the second option was easier.

"Or." Maura smiled. "You can stay home…."

"I'll take that one!" Jane grinned at her.

"And clean your service revolver."

All of the colour flooded from Jane's face along with the strength in her knees. She sat heavily at the counter and reached for the pad she kept by the fruit dish.

"I'll start writing a list then."


	11. Chapter 11

Jane turned the car off and looked to Maura who was chewing her lip in the passenger seat. The doctor had insisted that Jane drive them much to her annoyance.

'What if I have a panic attack?' Jane had complained as she'd slipped herself into the car. Maura knew she wouldn't, driving would give Jane enough of a distraction to keep her focus away from the panic.

"I can't do this Maura." Jane whispered, her head coming to rest on the steering wheel.

"Why not?"

Jane looked up at her. "Because… I…." a frown crumpled the detective's usually chiselled features. "I don't know." She conceded finally.

"Good. Let's go." Maura stepped from the car, closing the door with a loud bang that made Jane jump.

'_Outside the station….. that grasp, so strong around her neck… burning pain through her middle….and then she was falling, there was nothing as the blackness crept into the edges of her vision.'_

"Jane?"

'_Maura's voice calling her name, she could hear the worry in her tone, so clearly…'_

"Jane!" Maura knocked on the window, making Jane jump again. Her hands were shaking as she looked around. She was in her car. Safe.

Maura pulled the door open and yanked at the rubber bands around Jane's wrist, the snap on her skin making even the doctor cringe. "Dammit Maura!" Jane was out of the car and advancing on the doctor before she'd even registered the movement of her limbs.

"Don't forget the list." Maura smiled sweetly as she realised that Jane had snapped from the verge of the panic attack she'd seen building. Jane couldn't help but chuckle. While she'd initially dismissed something as simple as a rubber band as a treatment for her panic attacks, she had to admit, they really did work.

"I owe you for that one!" Jane laughed as she jogged to catch up with Maura who was struggling with a shopping cart. "Here, gimme that." She pulled the cart from Maura's hands and handed her the list, following her blindly into the store.

"Is there anything on this list that is actually good for you?" Maura asked as Jane slumped over the cart, staring at the fresh produce.

"Bananas?" Jane offered, waving the yellow fruit triumphantly before dumping them unceremoniously into the cart. She watched Maura with fascination as she carefully examined the melons, feeling each one and pressing its flesh before finally selecting three and carefully putting them in a clear bag and placing them delicately in the cart.

She was as precise when it came to selecting the fresh food for Bass, strawberries, broccoli, spinach, organic pears and carrots. "Your turtle eats better than most people." Jane quipped as she threw a punnet of strawberries into the cart for herself.

"Really Jane, you'll bruise my melons, and he's a tortoise!" A middle aged man looked up at her from his own fruit selection, his eyes roaming over her chest before flicking quickly to Jane and back to Maura's ample bosom. Laughing heartily, Jane was glad she was leaning on the cart as tears ran down her cheeks.

"What?" Maura glared at the man next to her, his eyes suddenly finding the apples incredibly interesting. "What did I say?" Jane wheezed as she tried to control her breathing, a control she lost every time she looked up at Maura, her eyes being drawn to her breasts and reducing her to more giggles.

"Melons…" she cupped at her own breasts, before dissolving into more laughter. Maura's face burnt a fiery crimson as she realised what Jane meant.

"You know that's not what I meant." She chastised the detective sternly, pulling the cart away from the produce.

"I know Maur." Even through her giggles, she could hear the embarrassment in Maura's voice as she was dragged into the next aisle. "Hey, slow down." She rooted her feet, causing Maura to lose her grip on the cart. Reaching out, Jane caught her hand, pulling her back to her side. "C'mon Maur." She searched the warm hazel eyes as she tried to ignore the electric hum in her hand caused by Maura's. "I didn't mean anything by it." Her eyes flicked to Maura's chest and she licked her lips unconsciously.

"I don't like when you make fun of me." Maura whispered, her fingers brushing over the scars on the backs of Jane's hands sending shivers through the brunette. Maura watched her intently; the tell-tale signs were there, the hitch in Jane's breathing, her pupils dilating wildly. Maybe she wasn't alone in her feelings.

"I'm really sorry Maur…" Jane shifted uncomfortably, feeling suitably reprimanded. Maura smiled and pulled Jane by the hand. "Pick some coffee, ok?"

They were halfway around the store before Jane felt it closing in on her. Everything felt too tight, too small. There were too many people in the aisles and everything was too loud. Snapping the bands on her wrists was failing to do anything, other than deepen the bruise that was already forming there. Reaching out with trembling hands, the tips of Jane's fingers brushed the doctor's shoulder, a feather light touch that she was sure she hadn't felt.

"Maura." It was a croaked and desperate plea that barely escaped her lips.

The doctor turned from the rows of organic whole wheat breads. "Jane!" she straightened herself, preparing to catch the detective who looked on the verge of collapse, her face as pale as snow. Digging her fingers painfully into Jane's shoulders, she shook her gently. "Jane, name me Red Sox players in the Hall of Fame."

Jane's eyes glazed slightly as she struggled to focus on the woman before her. Maura pinched her earlobe, making Jane squeak. "Hall of Fame people, Jane." She repeated. "Now!" her tone was clear and stern. "Look at me!"

Jane squeezed her eyes closed before focusing on the doctor, her warm hazels eyes holding a supportive smile. "Al Simmons." Jane croaked, knowing Maura wouldn't know if she was lying or not. "Babe Ruth." She offered a name she hoped that she would know. "Tom Seaver." Jane felt the panic clearing as she focused. "Dick Williams." Maura smiled and relaxed her vice like grip on the detective, she could feel the tension draining from her lanky form. "Erm…" Jane was struggling but that was good, she was focusing on anything other than her own panic.

"Keep going." Maura released her grip and moved to stand behind Jane, her hands falling naturally to her slim hips as she guided her around the store.

"Tris Speaker." Jane's stride grew in confidence with each name. She felt Maura's hands leave her body only to throw another grocery items into the cart. "Oh… Pennock…." Jane gritted her teeth as a box of muesli flew past her. "C'mon Maur!" she grumbled, putting the cereal back on the shelf and replacing it with Lucky Charms.

"Pennock?" Maura asked, ignoring the change in breakfast stuffs if it meant Jane kept moving. "What's his first name Jane?"

"I don't know." Her fingers gripped the cart, turning her knuckles white as she guided it into the adjacent aisle.

"I need some coriander." Maura whispered, her breath tickling Jane's neck.

"Herb!" Jane cheered, louder than she meant to. "Herb Pennock."

Maura tucked the coriander in the cart and glanced quickly at the list. Jane had done much better than she had anticipated and while there were a few items she still wanted to get, she didn't want to stress Jane anymore.

"We'll just get Joe some food then we'll go, ok?" her hands never left Jane's hips as she fell back into step behind her. "I'll collect her for you tonight." Jane shook her head, her ponytail bobbing and ticking Maura's nose.

"Not tonight.. I can't do more today." Jane's voice was thick was emotion and Maura could feel her shaking.

"You're amazing." Maura whispered, pushing Jane towards the shortest line so they could pay and get out. As it turned out, there was a good reason for that line being the shortest; it was manned by the slowest checker in recorded history.

"Maur.." Jane whispered softly, careful not to draw attention to herself.

"You'll be fine Jane." Maura offered, reaching out and squeezing her fingers gently.

"$107.21" the cashier grunted up at them.

"Really?" Jane growled. She was tired, she was on the verge of losing her mind and now she was being grunted at by some pimply idiot.

"Jane." Maura warned softly. "Do you want to load the car?" Taking to her heels, Jane rushed from the store, cart surfing as she left Maura to pay the cashier.

By the time Maura got to the car, Jane was curled up in the passenger seat, her head resting on the window as she slept. Maura adjusted the seat, Jane's ridiculously long legs meaning she couldn't reach the pedals. As she started the engine, she smiled as Jane mumbled in her sleep. "Not my fault.. too hot." The detective whispered, "Made me do it, couldn't stop." Maura covered her mouth, hoping she could stop the giggles escaping as Jane's childlike voice filled the car. "There's melons in the crazy crop."  
>Reversing from the space, Maura drove home, the journey punctuated with Jane's unconscious but comical mumblings and Maura's soft giggles.<p>

Pulling into Jane's parking space, Maura nudged the detective gently. "Jane, we're back." She whispered, reluctant to wake her from such an obviously peaceful sleep. Jane groaned and snuggled herself into her seat. With a new respect for Angela Rizzoli and how difficult it must have been to wake a teenage Jane, Maura got out of the car and fetched the grocery bags, leaving Jane to sleep a few minutes longer.

"Come on Jane." Maura had taken all the bags into the apartment and returned, hoping Jane would have woken of her own accord. "Time to get up." She shook Jane's arm gently.

"Don't wanna let go.. " Jane mumbled, a small smile spreading over her sleeping face. "You don't know why…" she broke into song in her sleep. "but you're dying to try, go on and kiss the girl."

"Jane!" Maura shook her, harder this time. "Wake up!"

"What? I'm up!" Jane sat up quickly, forcing herself forward only to be slammed back into place by her seatbelt. "Why are you killing me?" she struggled against the restraint before realising she was sitting in her car. "Oh."

"Why are you singing Disney songs?" Maura asked. She couldn't keep the excitement from her voice.

Rubbing at her face, Jane frowned at her. "Huh?" she stepped from the vehicle, rubbing the exhaustion from her face. It had been an exceptionally long day for Jane Rizzoli and in truth, it was barely lunchtime. "Disney… what?"

"You were singing kiss the girl." Maura told her, thankful for having caught the film after falling asleep on the sofa and leaning on the remote in her sleep, changing the channel in the process.

"I was?" a deep red blush shot across Jane's face and her eyes dropped to some discarded gum on the floor, studying it intently. "I don't know." She said, turning and heading upstairs without another word.

Maura watched her leave, her mind returning to the morning's conversation. 'Could you live knowing you might have let the best thing in your life walk away because you were too scared to take a risk?' With her mind set, Maura Isles followed her friend upstairs.

"I'm going to bed." Jane announced as Maura closed the door to her apartment. "I'm dead on my ass." She kicked her shoes off and headed to the bedroom. "Thanks for today." Her words were cut off by a huge yawn but she paused, leaning sleepily on the wall and looking at the doctor with curious eyes. Maura noticed the blush that had appeared in the garage was still heavy on her cheeks.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" she asked.

Maura shook her head slowly. "I need to spend some time with Bass." She explained, her weak smile disappearing as Jane's face fell. "Plus, I have groceries to take home too."

"Oh, ok." There was a pause and even Maura could feel the anticipation in the air. "But I'll see you tomorrow?"

Maura nodded. "Of course you will, now go and have a sleep, you look exhausted." Jane was too tired to argue and smiled, long dark hair dropping into her eyes as she turned and headed to her bedroom.

Maura had intended to head straight home, instead she made herself some coffee and put Jane's groceries away before settling down on the sofa with a legal pad and pen. If she was going to take the biggest risk of her life, she was going to word it properly. With heavy snores coming from the bedroom, she began in the only way she knew how.

'Dearest Jane.'


	12. Chapter 12

Another day broke over Boston, birdsong echoed around the city as the sun streamed down on the streets; a perfect summer's morning. Jane Rizzoli remained blissfully unaware, the previous few days having taken their toll on the detective. It was almost 2pm before she finally stirred.

With a steaming mug of coffee and her shower wet hair falling haphazardly around her face, she was acutely aware of something missing. There was no sign of Maura. In its own backwards way, this pleased Jane as it gave her the chance to try a few things on her own. The simple file Maura had handed her a few days prior sat on the coffee table and she flipped it open, searching quickly for the information she needed.

"Hello Maura.  
>I hope this covers everything, if not feel free to give me a call. 617-555-0517<br>Charles Beck."

Jane reached for the phone, noting proudly the minimal shake in her hands as she dialled the number.

"Good afternoon, thank you for calling the office of Charles Beck." The woman that answered the telephone was far too cheerful for Jane's liking. "How may I help you?"

'Now there's a question and a half' Jane thought. "I need to see Charles Beck, he put together my treatment program but I need a visit from him." Jane's voice was thick as she spoke.

"I'm sorry Miss?" the receptionist paused, expecting Jane to fill in the blank and only continuing when silence greeted her. "Mr Beck doesn't do house calls. I can book you an appointment with his partner, Dr Manton."

"Erm, ok." Jane stuttered. She hadn't really thought this through, only now did the realisation of what she was doing dawn on her.

"And you're in luck; he has a cancellation today at 3.30."

"Oh."

"Is that ok for you?"

"Yes!" Jane barked quickly, her mind and body screaming 'no' as she replied. "That would be brilliant." She gave her details and finally was able to hang up the phone.

"Holy fuck." She breathed into the room, her heart hammering in her chest. "Oh Maura." Jane sighed heavily. She wanted to have this conversation with the psychiatrist alone, to try and work out why she was having these feelings for her friend and it would be impossible to do knowing that Maura would be either imminently arriving or sitting in the next room. Glancing up at the clock, she still had an hour before the shrink was due, she reached for the phone again and dialled Maura's number.

-/-

Maura set her cell phone down on the countertop and frowned. Jane was often cryptic in her explanations but this one was more so than usual. She was, in part thankful but she now found herself at a loose end. With Jane's condition being one she'd been sworn to secrecy on, she had had little choice but to take time from work less she have to try and lie when asked about Jane.

Now, with the rest of her day to herself, she had no idea how to fill her time. Heading towards the den, she settled on the worn in couch with her laptop, deciding to browse a few shoe sales while she decided on the most productive way to spend her afternoon.

-/-

With far more nervous energy than she wanted, Jane had decided to confront her panic attack outright, using the buildings stairwell as her gym. As she raced up to the roof for the twelfth time, she glanced at her watch. 3.15. She had just about enough time to hop in the shower before the shrink arrived.

As she rounded the corner into her hall, a self-satisfied smile dancing over her face, she frozen when she saw a man of similar age to herself standing outside her door.

"Oh shit." She whispered under her breath as her legs continued to carry her home.

"Ahh." The man smiled warmly at her as she reached his side. "Miss Rizzoli?" she nodded sheepishly and unlocked the door.

"I thought I had more time." She offered by way of an apology. "Would you like coffee?" Jane's body went onto autopilot as she moved around the apartment.

"That would be lovely." The doctor sat. 'Not in Maura's seat' Jane thought, watching him as he retrieved a pad and pen from his briefcase.

"I can wait if you'd like to shower." He smiled weakly as she handed him a mug of coffee.

Slumping into a chair, Jane shook her head. Something about being naked with this strange man in her home put her more on edge than she cared to think about.

"So…" he began. "My name is Doctor Thomas Manton, you may call me, well anything that makes you comfortable. What may I call you?"

'Quack quack quack' Jane thought. "Jane's just fine."

"There is no mention of you in our system." He told her simply. "You say that Doctor Beck organised a treatment program for you?"

Jane nodded but couldn't hide the flush in her cheeks. "He sorta did it as a favour for a friend." She admitted, handing over the file Maura had given her.

Taking the file, Dr Manton scanned quickly through the items, nodded occasionally and making notes on his own pad as he did so. "Have you been keeping a journal?" he asked without looking up.

"Erm, yeah." Jane paused. "Do you wanna read it?" she brushed her foot across the carpet, her sneaker rubbing the fibres the wrong way before returning them to their natural place.

"Would you mind?" he looked up at her, taking a sip from his coffee.

Shrugging her shoulders, Jane got to her feet and headed into the bedroom to retrieve the notebook.

The silence was deafening, each passing second making her more and more uncomfortable as he read each page slowly, stopping here and there to make notes.

"This final entry is very interesting." He noted.

"Oh, yeah, that."

"When did you write that?" he asked softly.

"This morn… when I woke up." Jane admitted. "I didn't expect to see anyone so soon." She told him, unsure as to why that was important.

Scribbling furiously on his pad, Dr Manton looked up. "May I?" he gestured towards the journal.

"Erm, yeah?" He'd already read the entry, what else could he do.

"So, we went to the grocery store yesterday." He began reading aloud and suddenly the reality washed over Jane like a tsunami. "I'm losing control of this thing with Maura. I mean, she's good at this psycho stuff but that's not what got me through that." He looked up at Jane who was curled on the chair, her head resting on her knees. "I started losing it in the bread aisle. And she had me naming Sox players in the hall of fame. She thinks that's what calmed me down. It wasn't. She had her hands on my hips, those long, beautiful fingers gripping me, oh god, I want her. I wanted to take her home and find out if those fingers could send me over the edge in a whole 'nother way!"

Jane groaned into her knees. It was one thing to admit it to yourself but a whole other thing to have someone else not only know, but to read back your own words. Especially when they were words about your best friend, her fingers and what you wanted them to do to you.

"She wouldn't stay, I don't know why. Maybe it was my singing that put her off, maybe it was what I was singing." Still he continued. "I miss her so much when she's not here. I don't know what I'm meant to do when she's not around. Maybe its coz we're always together, even at work."

Dr Manton closed the journal and clasped his hands over its cover, watching the woman before him. Realising he had finished the entry, Jane peered over her kneecaps at him.

"Yeah…" she breathed, "That's kinda what I need to sort out."

"Sort out?" He threw right back at her. "What do you mean by 'sort out'?"

Jane sighed. "Well I'm crushing on my best friend." She admitted. "And then there's the whole melon thing."

She giggled as the doctor's face scrunched into a confused frown. "The melon thing?"

"Well, when we were at the store, we were getting fruit and stuff for her tortoise and I threw some stuff in the cart." Jane explained, "She said I'd bruise her melons." The doctor smiled and nodded, letting her know he understood. "Well I start laughing right, but it's like, I can't stop thinking about her tits, or looking at them, or wanting to touch them." She finished in a whisper, almost concerned that the neighbours might overhear if she said the words too loudly. "That's not normal in a friendship."

Cocking his head to one side her wrote some more notes on his pad before returning his gaze to the brunette before him. "And is that all you'd like from.." he paused, glancing down at his pad. "Maura?"

Shaking her head, Jane's mouth contradicted everything she felt. "Yes."

More scribbling on his pad.

"And how long have you been having these feelings?"

Jane looked at him, his body language, and his mannerisms and for the briefest second, considered lying to him. Would he be able to tell and if he could, would he call her on it?

"About 5 months." She admitted eventually.

The man before her nodded. "And what do you want?"

The question confused Jane. "I want these feelings to stop, I mean, I'm not a lesbian, I'm just not."

"And you think these feelings mean you're gay?"

This doctor was infuriating her with his obvious questions.

"Well it's not all that straight is it, I mean, no straight woman wants to sleep with other women, right?"

The doctor shrugged and made yet more notes on his pad. "Have you ever felt like this before?"

Jane sighed heavily, there it was, the million dollar question. She could only nod.

"In your opinion Jane," it was the first time he'd used her name and she look at him cautiously. "What would be so wrong with being gay?"

"I…." she frowned. "I mean, it's not…." She snapped the rubber band viciously against her wrist, forcing her mind to focus. "It's not about being gay." She stuttered. "I don't want to lose her and if these feelings don't go away, I'm going to do something all 'bull in a china shop' and fuck it all up." She sniffed loudly, wiping at her nose with the back of her hand, the deep scar reminding her of everything she could endanger. "I'm not good with relationships. They want me to stop being a cop or well, let's say they only date me for the added extras." She held up her hands as though she were handcuffed and gave a half smile.

"And Maura?" Manton continued, his note taking having slowed considerably. "how does she feel?"

Jane shrugged. "I dunno, she dates guys." She offered. "I don't know, she went to school in Europe. But she wouldn't date me even if she was…. Y'know?"

Looking up, Dr Manton smiled at her. "And your anxiety attacks?" he smiled as the relief washed over Jane's face. "How are they?"

"Better." Jane admitted, "Sometimes I wish I could just do stuff without worrying."

"I could prescribe you something, to take the edge off of them." He offered.

Jane considered this, she could get back to work, immerse herself in new cases, crack old ones, finally stop thinking about Maura every hour of the day.

"I think that would work." The sigh that blew from her lungs felt like a defeat and yet, she couldn't help herself. If she were to get over Maura without getting under her, then this was the way to do that, who knew how long it could take otherwise.

Reaching into his briefcase, the doctor scribbled onto his prescription pad and handed the sheet to Jane who started at the garbled mess before her. 'Maura has such beautiful writing' she thought absently.

"Now Jane would you like to book another appointment with me?" he gestured to the clock on the wall. They had been talking for a little over an hour. "Sometime next week maybe?"

There were too many possibilities, too many questions he might ask that she wouldn't want to answer and yet, she had promised Maura she would consider seeing someone. Ok, the promise hadn't been to see someone about this but she was at least fulfilling said promise.

"Yeah, I guess."

With her appointment made, Jane shook his hand and saw him to the door before collecting herself and reaching for the phone.

-/-

Maura's heart jumped in her chest as she saw Jane's number appear on her cells display.

"Hi Jane, are you ok?"

She'd found shoe shopping markedly less rewarding than anticipated, especially when she wanted to be with Jane.

"I need you to come over now and take me somewhere."

The brunette's words sent Maura's heart racing and she smiled, reaching for her purse before Jane had even finished the sentence.

"I'll be there in 15 minutes."


	13. Chapter 13

**Authors note: I know that you don't get over an anxiety disorder this easily but for the purposes of moving this fic along, we're claiming a relatively straight forward and mild case of PTSD because I don't want to be writing panic attacks for years, they're boring and a fic is dull if nothing new happens. **

**Also, apologies for the delay, that pesky RL stuff got in the way!**

That phone call to Maura had been it, her turning point, her beginning. The trip to the pharmacy had been uneventful, and for three long weeks, Jane worked hard. She chased down every demon and thoroughly kicked its ass. Sometimes she won outright and others were more an uphill struggle but eventually, she stood outside the precinct staring up at the building. She felt that familiar stirring in her chest, an old calling that she had thought long gone. It wasn't the panic or fear that she'd grown accustomed to over the past months but the fire in her stomach, the burning desire to get out there and catch the bad guys, to make her hometown that little bit safer.

Both her own shrink, who she had decided after the second visit wasn't a complete idiot and the department's own doctor had given her a clean bill of health and cleared her to return to active duty but for Jane, that wasn't enough. She'd put herself in for a complete physical to ensure she was really ready and had spent many hours at the range, perfecting her shot. That had taken more hours than she cared to remember, hours of panic attacks that crippled her and then hours of therapy to combat that.

Pushing open the heavy door, she strode into the foyer, her head held high.

"Rizzoli." Jeff Travis greeted her almost at the door. "Damn girl, I thought you were dead!" he extended a hand, knowing better to offer the woman before him a hug.

"Yeah, the bastards keep trying." She shook his hand, a smile creeping over her face as her life settled. This was where she belonged, the smell of burnt coffee that hung in the air mixed with the mild undercurrent of sweat, stress and determination. This was her place, with her people and her team.

"Good to see you again." He grinned, slapping her shoulder as she passed him.

Jabbing at the down button on the elevator, Jane couldn't contain her grin. It felt like a lifetime of interruptions before she shoved open the doors to the morgue and threw her arms open.

"Here's Rizzoli!" she cheered, making Maura jump, her scalpel falling into the chest cavity of her latest cadaver.

"Jane, I really wish you wouldn't do that!" Maura chastised, retrieving the tool and setting it on her tray before peeling herself from her gloves and bloodied coveralls.

"When have I _ever_ done that before?" Jane laughed as Maura practically ran across the room, wrapping her in a huge hug.

"It's good to have you back."

"And!" Jane's excitement bubbled, making her both feel and look like a child on Christmas morning. "I got you a present."

Maura grinned, peering around the detective for a clue.

"Close your eyes." Jane told her, laughing as the doctor tried to peek through half closed eyes. When Jane was sure her eyes were actually closed, she reached into her pocket, pulling out the folded sheet and setting it in Maura's outstretched hands.

"Look!" she bounced on the balls of her feet as Maura unfolded the paper. It was her target sheet from the gun range, a perfect cluster of shots killing the poor paper man stone dead. "I did it." She whispered, her voice thick with emotion when she saw the tears welling up in Maura's eyes. "I did it because of you."

Maura looked up at her, a single tear rolling down her cheek and dropping onto her deep blue dress. "Oh Jane." Maura breathed softly.

"I want you to have that." As far as presents went, this one was cheap by anyone's standards but Jane knew how much it would mean to Maura. Her hands found Maura's and she squeezed them gently before pulling away.

"So, what happened here?" she pulled away, afraid of opening a can of worms with the next thing that wanted to say. It had taken many hours of therapy with Thomas – not Tom – before Jane had finally accepted that she didn't need to label herself, that she could love whomever without having it make a political statement at the same time.

"This is one Jack Jacobs." Maura told her, setting the gift carefully on her desk before slipping fresh overalls on and a fresh set of gloves. "I'm waiting on the tox screens to come back but it seems from all the available evidence, that he was poisoned by his wife."

Jane nodded thoughtfully, "Maybe he didn't put the toilet seat down." She laughed, hopping up onto the empty table and swinging her legs as she watched Maura work.

Maura looked up, her smile finally reaching wet eyes as she stole a moment to watch Jane, exactly where she should be. Everything fell back into place, her world; a clinical and precise place shifted on its axel just enough to feel right again.

"Anyway!" Jane jumped down with a flourish, crossing to Maura's side. "I better go and catch some killers!" she brushed Maura's arm softly. "Meet you for lunch?"

Maura grinned. "About 1, I have something I need to talk to you about."

Pushing open the doors with her back, Jane shot the doctor her trademark cheeky grin and a wink. "See ya then!"

-/-

Jane slumped into their regular booth at the Dirty Robber and sighed. It had been a very long morning at the precinct, despite that, she hadn't really accomplished anything. She was more than a little surprised by how much people had missed her, and how many.

"Is everything ok?" Maura asked as she sat opposite Jane, their knees brushing momentarily as she settled herself.

Running her hands through her hair, Jane sighed. "Yeah, been a long day already."

The waitress appeared and took their food order, smiling sweetly at the pair before leaving with a knowing wink. Maura frowned before looking at Jane who smirked and raised an eyebrow at the waitress. Was she really seeing what she thought she was?

"I have to go to the bathroom." Maura announced suddenly, getting to her feet and leaving Jane before she could reply.

"Hey Maur?" Jane called after her causing the doctor to turn, her honey blonde hair dancing over her shoulders and making Jane's breath catch in her throat. "Have you got some moisturiser?"

Maura nodded and watched as Jane rubbed her hands together. Maura could tell that they were giving her trouble. "It's in my purse."

Standing before the mirror, Maura studied her reflection. "Could you live knowing you might have let the best thing in your life walk away because you were too scared to take a risk?" she asked herself, echoing the question that had been posed to her. "No, I don't think I can."

Jane pulled Maura's purse across the table and began a random rummage for the tube of organic jasmine and geranium hand cream that Maura always carried with her. Pulling an envelope out of the way, she was surprised to find her name written on it. Turning it over in her hands, the back was sealed and she glanced over her shoulder, only to see the doctor returning. In a panic, she stuffed the envelope into her blazer before continuing her search.

"Did you find it?" Maura asked as she settled into her seat again.

Jane's fingers brushed against the tube as Maura's phone started ringing. Pulling both from the purse, Jane slid the phone across the table and popped the top on the tube, squirting some of the floral scented scream into her hand, only for her own cell to start ringing on her hip.

"Doctor Isles."

Jane rubbed her hands together furiously, not wanted to leave a trail of cream over her shirt.

"Ok.." Maura paused, looking up to meet Jane's eyes. "Yes, she's with me." Another pause. "Yes, we'll be right there."

Maura got to her feet with Jane following her. "What is it?" the detective asked, her senses tingling with anticipation.

"A young girl has been found dead in the River Lodge motel." Maura explained as Jane waved towards the waitress.

"I'll drive!" Jane told her as she led the way to the car.

-/-

Pulling up to the run down motel, Maura sighed sadly. This wasn't meant to be how their lunch went.

Korsak met them at the door to the motel room, he had very little to tell them but had sent Frost to the front desk to pull the information for the room.

Stepping inside, they had to side step crime scene photographer's equipment before Jane gestured for him to leave. The woman was lying on the bed, half covered as though sleeping. "Any ID?" Jane called to Korsak as she scanned the room for clues.

"Nothing in the room." He told her plainly.

Maura stepped closer, studying the face. "I know her." She spluttered, feeling her heart rise in her chest. How could someone so smart, so vibrant and full of life end up like this? "Her name is Louise Steinman."

"Oh no, Maura." Jane was at her side immediately, her long fingers caressing her back softly.

"It's ok." Maura whispered. "We met only once in a café."

Jane felt the sadness as it coursed through the doctor's body. "She…." Maura couldn't finish the sentence without opening a door she wouldn't be able to ever close again, and a crime scene was not a place for that conversation. "Never mind." Maura finalised her comment, making it clear she wasn't going to discuss it any further, at least here.

"So." Jane pulled back, regarding the scene. "Someone covered the body, no sign of a struggle. I think she knew her killer."

Maura glanced up at her. "There's no obvious sign of injury, other than blunt force trauma to the back of the head." She noted. "There isn't enough blood loss to be fatal." Maura looked around the room, searching for something that could have been the weapon. "I'll know more after my autopsy." She told no one in particular.

"She checked in alone under the name Sasha Jenkins." Frost appeared in the doorway, "Paid in cash for one night."

"Check her out under the name Louise Steinman." Jane told him. Frost frowned but didn't ask as to how she knew this information. He could feel the tension in the room and smiled. It calmed him to be around Jane and Maura, they worked so effortlessly together and yet the gentle rumble of sexual tension that filled any space they were in made him feel so alive, even in the presence of death.

"There appears to be something under her fingernails." Maua announced suddenly, reaching into her bag and wrapping Louise's hands in evidence bags.

"Let's get her back to the morgue." Jane said, her experienced eye telling her there was nothing left for them there, "We'll check her out!"

-/-

Maura stretched. Her autopsy so far had provided no information at all other than a time of death which she had conveyed to Jane. All of Louise's organs had proved normal; there was nothing at all to indicate her cause of death. Pulling her mask over her face, she reached for the stryker saw to open Louise's skull.

Jane sat in the interview room, drumming her fingers impatiently on the table in front of her. She and Frost had just returned from picking up Louise's boyfriend and Frost was currently doing the tried and tested 'make them sweat' routine, leaving the young man waiting while he 'did some paperwork', more commonly known as 'fetch himself coffee and a snack'.

Beside her the door opened and Jane looked up, her face a mask of steely grit and determination. In her pocket, the letter from Maura burnt her side, its unread words calling her name. She was not in the mood to listen to some college boy lie to her.

"Hey Rizzoli." Frost set a large cup of coffee on the table in front of her. "You ready?" she nodded, her fingers reaching into her blazer pocket and checking on the presence of that simple envelope. "Ok, I'll go get him."

Jane drank deeply and wrinkled her nose. "When was this made?" she asked, staring at the paper cup as if searching for an expiration date. "Damn." She took another sip before setting it aside.

The door opened again, revealing Frost and a terrified looking boy of no more than 22. Jane assessed him quickly. Clean, short sleeved shirt, no obvious signs he'd been in any sort of physical altercation recently. His hair was short and seemingly clean. To all outward appearances, he looked like a good, clean cut boy, someone you could bring home to your mother.

"Adam Johnson." Jane spoke with a practiced air of authority, gesturing for him to take a seat as Frost leant casually against the doorframe. The boy nodded, the terror dancing in his eyes told Jane everything she needed to know. This boy could barely kill time.

"Where were you last night?" Jane asked him, no subterfuge, no dancing around the subject.

"I was at work." He stuttered softly, licking his lips rapidly. "At the bowling alley on East 3rd." His eyes flicked back and forth between the two detectives, remaining on Frost for longer.

"When did you last see Louise Steinman?" she asked, forcing his gaze back to her.

"I…" tears formed in his eyes as he considered the question. "Two days ago." He said, forcing his eyes up to meet Jane's. "I've had to work and she had classes. We're on conflicting shifts." He stopped, a sob blocking his throat. "I mean, we were."

Jane watched him fiddle with the coffee stirrer on the table. "I was working until 2am last night, then I got a ticket on the way home." He sighed sadly. Jane looked over to Frost who nodded, dipping from the room before being replaced with the large form of Korsak.

"They have cctv." He told her when the silence grew uncomfortable.

"You know we'll check that." Jane told him.

Adam only nodded, tears falling down his cheeks. "I loved her. I wouldn't hurt her." For the first time during the whole interview, he met Jane's eyes and held her gaze.

"Would you be willing to give us a DNA sample?" Korsak asked suddenly, making the young man visibly jump in his seat.

"Yes, of course."

Jane's eyes flicked to the older man, catching the small shake of his head.

"Ok." Jane said, getting to her feet and striding from the room. "You're free to go." She slammed her hands down on the table, making both Adam and Korsak jump. "But don't go too far, we may have more questions for you."


	14. Chapter 14

Slipping into her white lab coat, Maura checked her report for the final time. Cause of death; acute subdural hematoma and brain herniation. She sighed sadly as she closed the file, knowing Jane wouldn't be happy. The cause of death didn't help them very much. With no other signs of injury, there was no real reason to classify it as a murder and yet, with the matter under her fingernails, it wasn't possible to completely rule it out. The indecisive nature of the case, as well as the victim had put Maura on edge. She didn't like things that didn't – wouldn't –fit. That was why she had become a medical examiner, to find the why's of a case, to see it in black and white. Now here she was, about to go up to the bullpen with nothing but shades of grey.

Pushing open her office door, those shades of grey got an immediate and much welcomed colour boost as Jane pushed the door open and strode in.

"Got anything?" she asked hopefully when she saw Maura in her 'casual' office attire.

Maura retreated into her office, taking a seat and waiting patiently for Jane. Once the detective had settled herself into a chair, she slid the file towards her, watching her exquisitely long fingers as they opened the file and flicked carefully through the pages.

"Maur?" Jane looked up her, the confusion evident in her face. "Is it murder or not?"

Maura closed her eyes, she knew this had been coming and yet it wasn't any easier to hear. "I can't say conclusively either way." She admitted.

Jane closed the file and set it back down on the desk before running her fingers through her hair and sighing loudly.

"So, how did you know her?" she asked eventually.

"We met in a café a few weeks back." Maura's response was unusually guarded and, uncharacteristically, she didn't elaborate on the reply.

"And?" Jane pressed her, there was something that she wasn't saying and it gave her an unpleasant twang of jealously.

Maura looked into dark eyes, eyes that always gave Jane away. She smiled softly, mischief playing in her eyes. "What Jane?" she asked, the faux innocence in her tone made Jane shift in her chair.

"We had coffee and talked." Maura continued, "She was a very sweet young lady." Her smile broke into a grin as Jane tensed her jaw at the implication. "She taught me a lot about myself, and what I want."

"Jane!" Frost swung around the doorframe. "The Johnson boy just stopped me in the hall." He carried on, oblivious to what he'd interrupted. "He thinks Steinman was cheating on him."

"What?" Jane was on her feet in seconds. "Why the hell didn't he say so?"

Maura smirked as Jane flattened her shirt out, her hands brushing her breasts as she did so. Maura licked her lips and watched as the brunette paced around the office.

"He said he was scared." Frost couldn't contain his own smile as Jane froze on the spot, staring at him incredulously. "Said that woman was, and I quote, a BAMF." He bit his lip to contain a laugh.

Tilting her head to one side, Maura searched Jane for any idea of what a BAMF may be. Seeing nothing obvious, she turned her attention back to Frost.

"What is a BAMF, Barry?" she asked.

Frost's eyes flicked back and forth between his partner and the doctor, unsure as to whether he should explain but deciding that winding Jane up was always worth it.

"A bad ass mother fuc…."

"Dammit Frost!" Jane batted him with the file as she strode out the office, pulling the grinning detective with her. "I'll see you later Maura." She called over her shoulder, pushing Frost out the door in front of her.

"Korsak is at the bowling alley picking up the CCTV. He's picking the friend up too." Frost continued as they got into the elevator. "Anything back on the stuff under her nails?"

Jane shook her head. "No match yet, but it's definitely skin." She told him, handing him Maura's report which he flicked through quickly to avoid Jane's cold stare.

As the elevator pinged for their floor, they both stepped out to see Korsak standing with a tall woman.

"Shelley Prince." Korsak gestured towards the women. "You wanna take her Jane?"

Frost snorted more laughter and turned away. "Come on." Jane snapped, leading the woman towards an interview room. "And you." She nudged Frost as she passed him. "You can do this one."

"Nice hickey." Frost commented as Shelley sat in the cold plastic chair, her eyes darting around the room nervously.

"Where were you last night?" he asked, fiddling with the file Jane had given him before meeting the young woman's eyes.

"Last night?" she echoed, never meeting Frost's gaze.

A knock at the door interrupted them and Jane pulled it open. Korsak nodded and handed her a slip of paper. 'Johnson's clean, alibi checked out.' It read. Jane leant towards Frost, showing him the note while concealing it from Shelley.

"I was with my friend." She told him slowly.

"This friend?" Frost pulled a picture of Louise from the file and pushed it across the table.

"Lou. Yeah."

"And what time did you leave her?"

"I… I don't remember." Shelley told him. "What's happened?"

Jane paced around the room, leaning against the far wall and watching her. "She was found dead this afternoon." She explained.

Shelley collapsed into sobs, her body shaking with the grief. "She hit her head but it wasn't bad." She blurted out suddenly. Jane and Frost exchanged a look but remained silent.

"We were at the motel." The words fell from the woman before them. "We'd been seeing each other." She looked up and accepted a tissue Frost had pulled from his pocket. "She told me she wanted to end it, that she felt guilty for cheating on Adam."

Jane shifted, her gaze burning into the girl and making her shift in her seat. "So you were arguing?" Jane asked.

"No. Well yes but I didn't hurt her." Shelley told her firmly. "She said this was the last time we could, y'know." She met Jane's eyes, one determined look battled against the other. "I was angry because I love her and I didn't want it to end."

"So what happened?" Frost jumped in quickly.

"We were getting dressed, and she slipped and hit her head on the nightstand." Shelley explained. "But she was fine."

Jane seemed to consider this. From what Maura had said, Louise's death hadn't been violent and this seemed like a plausible scenario.

"Look." Shelley said, clearing her throat loudly. "We had sex, she told me it was over, she slipped when she was getting dressed then she told me to leave, which I did."

"Do you have any injuries at the moment Shelley?" Jane asked suddenly, watching as the girls face crumpled.

"Injuries?" she asked.

"Yeah, cuts, scrapes, bruises?"

Shelley felt the blush before either detective saw it. "Well.." she gestured to the hickeys on her neck. "And I think she scratched my back."

'Unknown matter under her finger nails.' Jane thought.

"Would you be willing to give us a DNA sample?" Frost asked, watching as Jane ran through various scenarios in her mind.

"And would you submit to an examination by one of our doctors?" Jane added.

Shelley looked between the pair and nodded slowly. "Right now?" she asked.

Jane nodded. "Yes."

-/-

Maura's heart stopped dead in her chest as Jane walked in with the woman she recognised as Louise's friend.

"Doctor Isles." Jane was all business as she gestured to a chair in Maura's office. "Could you examine this woman in relation to our case?"

Soft hazel eyes looked on deep brown, questioning and probing. Jane's eyes flicked towards the morgue and Maura nodded softly.

Crossing to lock the door, Maura turned and smiled warmly at the woman before her. "Oh, you're…."

"I'm Doctor Isles." Maura cut her off quickly. "And you are?"

Shelley stared at her, then Jane and back to Maura, realisation flooding her face. Maura felt the slow burn of a blush spread over her cheeks. 'Please don't say anything' she chanted to herself.

Shelley only nodded, a Cheshire cat grin spreading over her face as she held Maura's gaze.

"Do you _need _to be here Detective Rizzoli?" Maura asked softly, her body reacting involuntarily to addressing Jane by title.

Jane eyed both women carefully, her eyes subconsciously falling to the doctors rear before snapping up to meet Shelley's.

"No, but…"

"Well maybe you could wait outside?" Maura's heart hammered in her chest, she could see the woman before her was on the verge of exploding, scattering her secret across the office in a ticker tape revelation.

Jane crossed, her hand coming to rest in the small of Maura's back. "I'll be right outside the door." She whispered, fixing Shelley with a death glare.

Almost as soon as the door was closed, Shelley leant forward. "She's the one?" she asked softly.

Choosing to ignore the question, Maura fetched her medical bag and set it carefully on the desk. "Would you come and sit up here?" she asked.

"Have you told her?" Shelley asked as she settled herself on the desk.

"No. Now sit still and take a deep breath!" Maura didn't mean to snap but she couldn't help herself.

Outside the door, Jane fidgeted and cursed the privacy the blinds in Maura's office windows afforded. As she rested against the wall, the rustling in her jacket reminded her of the letter. Looking up and down the corridor, she pulled the letter from her jacket and slipped her thumb under the flap and ripped it open, pulling the sheet of yellow legal paper out and glancing up and down the corridor once more. When she was certain she was alone, she unfolded the page and began to read;

_Dearest Jane, _

_I don't yet know if or when I will either give you this letter or tell you my feelings outright, but I am writing to you now as I need to get this out, alas, you are still unwell. _

_I am sitting in your apartment and you are asleep. We've just returned from your first trip to the grocery store since 'The Incident'. _

_I feel it necessary to tell you some things in light of recent events. All of my life, as far back as pre-school, I've never been able to really fit in anywhere, I've never had one person or group take me in and accept me as one of their own. I've always lived life on the outskirts, an understudy watching from the wings as it were. I'd grown accustomed to living my life in this manner. _

_When I moved to Boston, I naturally anticipated that this pattern would continue and, while there are still many people who make me feel as though I'm still the 'weird kid' at high school, Korsak, Frost and particularly you Jane, have welcomed me into your family circle. For the first time in my life, people are asking me to go out to a bar with them, and not solely because I will drive them home, you ask me because you enjoy my company. _

_Jane, you have taught me about many things, life, family, 'fluffernutters' ( which are delicious)baseball, and most importantly respect and love. I know who I am, so much more clearly now and, while I ache to tell you this, I feel it will impede your recovery. You know how lying makes me go vasovagal so I will tell you everything as I'm aware of it. I am in love with you, completely and totally in love. I have never experienced anything of this magnitude before. I also believe from some of your actions, both conscious and unconscious, that you may have strong feelings for me too. I can only hope this is the case as I fear I am not as good at reading the living as I am the dead but your subconscious reactions give me cause for hope._

_Should you happen upon this letter before I give it to you; I hope you can forgive my cowardice in not saying something to you. I also hope that this will not change the dynamic of our friendship should you not reciprocate. _

_You are the best thing that had ever happened to me and while I long for us to one day be more than friends, your friendship is the greatest gift I have ever received and I do truly treasure it. _

_To lose that would be worse than the undoubted rejection of my love for you. _

_Forever yours, _

_M. xxxxx_

Jane wiped the tears that formed in her eyes and, as the door behind her began to open, stuffed the letter into her pocket, forcing her 'detective face' back in place as Maura emerged.

"She's obviously indulged in a night of passionate love making." Jane swallowed loudly as Maura's words hit her. Her eyes searching the doctor for any sign of the feelings she'd just read about. "But it is my opinion that she hasn't been involved in any physical altercation that wasn't completely consensual."

"Oh. Ok."

"Are you ok Jane?" Maura asked, her hand reaching out for the brunette and gently brushing her forearm, sending bolts of electricity through the detective and leaving her mouth dry.

"Yeah. Sorry Maur." She shook the clouds from her mind and blinked rapidly to clear the passion that was settling in her mind. "Look, let me sort this and we'll get dinner, ok?"

Maura's face lit up and Jane found herself grinning in return. "I'll see if I can book us a table. I know a great little restaurant that would be perfect." Maura smiled.

Guiding Shelley from the office, Jane escorted her to the elevator, painfully aware of Maura's gaze on her as she waited for it. This was going to be an interesting dinner. Of that she was certain.


	15. Chapter 15

**Authors note: Hi all! Firstly, I really appreciate all your reviews; they really do make me feel all kinds of happy. I'm thrilled you're all enjoying it.**

**Secondly, I'm so nervous about this chapter, it's been a long while since I've written anything at all, especially anything like this, so please be gentle with me! **

Jane stared at the clock. Maura had told her to go home and change and she would pick her up at 8. She still had 15 minutes to kill before Maura arrived and so she returned to her bedroom to check her outfit for maybe the fifth time that night. The deep red dress she had chosen was one that she knew Maura adored, and of all the dresses she had, not that there were many, it was her favourite. Regarding herself in the mirror, she smoothed her hands down the outfit before reorganising her hair once again. Her attempts to put it up had turned out better than she had expected, even with the one stray lock that seemed to defy all her efforts to tuck it behind her ear.

"You look good." She told her reflection as she stared down at the simple black pumps and wrinkled her nose. Picking up her blazer, she reached into the pocket and settled herself carefully on the edge of the bed, unfolding Maura's letter once more and reading her words carefully.

"I hope you appreciate this." She whispered, long fingers running over the page before she tucked it back in the envelope and slipped it into the drawer in her nightstand.

A knock at the door sent Jane's heart fluttering in her chest before the butterflies in her stomach took over control. Was she really going to do this? There was no reason not to now, all of her worries and concerns had proved unfounded. It was time to take that leap into the great unknown.

Maura stood in the hallway tapping her foot impatiently. She had told Jane she would pick her up at 8pm sharp. Just as she reached into her purse for the spare key she had, the door was pulled open to reveal Jane Rizzoli. In a dress.

Maura's breath caught in her throat as she took in the vision before her. An Amazonian goddess, her usually unruly hair piled atop her head exposing her beautiful neck, her heartbeat clearly visible in the jugular vein. The form fitting dress dipping low enough to expose enough delicate cleavage to make Maura lick her lips.

"Jane!" She squeaked.

Jane grinned at her, "Do I look ok?" she asked, watching as Maura made no effort to hide her appreciative stare. "You didn't say where we were going, I hope this is ok?"

"Jane." Maura echoed. If she was in awe of her friend's physique before, this was a turning point in her thinking. Those long, strong arms pulling her in close and holding her, their heartbeats matching as Jane dipped her head, stealing the kiss she would willing have given.

"Erm. Maur?"

The doctor looked up suddenly, snapped from her happy thoughts only to be greeted by another.

"You're acting kinda weird, you ok?" Jane smiled, she knew exactly what was wrong with the doctor and it pleased her no end.

"Oh yes." Maura forced herself to meet Jane's eyes and smiled. "You're beautiful." She felt the blush and smiled as Jane's cheeks reddened almost in time with her own. "Are you ready to go?"

Jane grinned and mischief played in her eyes. "Sure." Reaching behind the door, she grabbed her clutch back and pulled the door closed. "Where are we going anyway?" she asked again, tilting her head to watch as Maura headed out of the building.

-/-

With the valet having taken, and hopefully parked Maura's car, she led the way into Le Beau Truc, waiting for Jane to pout and complain about her choice of restaurant.

"This place is great." Jane whispered as the Maître De spoke to the couple ahead of them. Maura turned and stared at her companion. First the dress, now Jane was genuinely pleased with a restaurant that served food that involved you using at least 2 different sets of cutlery.

"What?" Jane asked as Maura frowned at her, her nose wrinkling with the action. "It's a good restaurant!"

Jane supressed a giggle as her hand fell to the small of Maura's back, guiding her forward to the awaiting man who greeted them with a smile and a raised eyebrow, his eyes flicking to Jane's hand before settling on Maura.

"Good evening ladies." He practically purred at them.

"Good evening. We have a reservation." Maura told him, trying hard to compose herself as Jane's fingers played slowly across her back. She swallowed loudly as Jane stepped in closer to allow another couple to pass.

"What name?" he asked, staring at the book in front of him.

Maura closed her eyes, waiting for Jane to take a step back, to put the polite distance between them that she always did. Always, except for tonight. The brunette remained pressed in close, not near enough to be touching but enough that Maura could feel the heat radiating from the other woman.

"Isles?" Jane offered from behind her, her breath tickling Maura's ear.

"Yes, yes, sorry. Isles." Maura confirmed.

"This way ladies."

Jane had to give Maura a little shove to get her moving. Following along behind, Jane unabashedly watched Maura walk, her eyes flicking to other diners as they also watched Maura walk past. She grinned at them when they met her eyes. She was dining with the most beautiful woman in all of Massachusetts, she knew it and so did they.

As Maura took her seat, Jane slid into her chair, her knees brushing against the doctors as she settled.  
>Jane looked up as Maura studied the wine menu intently. She was nervous Jane could tell. The way she licked her lips, the slight shake in her fingers, they made Jane smile. This wasn't the same sort of nervousness she'd seen in countless people hauled in for questioning, no, this was a woman who knew what she wanted but didn't know how to ask for it. Rubbing her knee casually against Maura's, Jane smiled. "Oh, sorry." She smirked.<p>

"Should I pick the wine?" Maura asked, drawing her legs nearer to her chair and fidgeting in her seat.

"Sure." Jane couldn't help but grin. For the first time in their relationship, she allowed herself to bathe in the sexual tension that radiated between them. She had always been aware of it on some level but had never allowed herself to really appreciate its power. Until now.

With their waiter having returned with a bottle of something red, Jane didn't know what but she did know that it would be fantastic, she watched as he poured a sip into a glass, offering it to Maura who only shook her head before nodding towards Jane.

Picking up the glass, Jane focused her gaze on Maura, licking her lips slowly before taking a sip of the offered beverage. She paused, as if contemplating the flavour, licking her lips once again and smiling as Maura swallowed noticeably. "It's perfect, thank you." Jane whispered, her eyes never leaving the woman across from her.

"So." Maura began once the young server had taken their food order and scurried away to the kitchen, a daft grin on his face. "I need to talk to you." Jane sipped her wine and watched as Maura tried to organise her thoughts.

"Yeah?" Jane purred at her. "What about?" she watched as Maura focused on her fingers as they ran slowly up and down the glass. "Is it about today?"

Maura looked up and smiled. "Well it is, almost." She replied, happy to have been given a place to start. "I told you I'd met Louise in a café." She started. "Well we had a conversation about." Maura's eyes bore into her, making Jane shift in her seat as she saw the lustful fire barely contained there. "about relationships and some unfinished, no, unvoiced emotions." Maura paused, taking a long drink from her glass.

"Emincé de Volaille, Pommes de terre sautées" the waiter appeared at their side, making both women jump noticeably.

"Damn, you part ninja or something?" Jane laughed as he set the plates down before them.

"Sorry ma'am." He smiled, looking between the women and their mutual choice of meal. He had seen it countless times, couples that came in and ordered the same thing at the same time. These two women were no different, although the tension that danced in the air around him told him that this was a new relationship. Smiling warmly, he nodded before disappearing as silently as he'd arrived.

"Mmm this is good." Jane said as she tucked into her meal. Truth be told, she was paying so little attention to her food, she would never be able to remember if it was good or not. When pressed for information, Jane wouldn't have been able to tell you the type of meat she had claimed to enjoy.

Maura shuffled in her seat, eating slowly, her eyes rarely leaving Jane. "Sauce is nice." Jane offered when Maura remained stoic.

"Did you know, European law dictates that only those cheeses aged in the natural Combalou caves of Roquefort-sur-Soulzon may bear the name Roquefort?" Maura asked suddenly.

Jane grinned. The way Maura rolled the French language around her mouth was sensual, practically erotic. It sent liquid fire flooding to her core and she squirmed in her seat as she popped another piece of chicken in her mouth, the sauce suddenly filling her with an entirely different sensation.

"I didn't know that." She purred softly, watching as Maura refilled her wine glass before drinking deeply.

"Legend has it," Maura continued, unable to stop the flow of information that fell from her lips, "that the cheese was discovered when a youth, eating his lunch of bread and ewes' milk cheese, saw a beautiful girl in the distance." She paused, determined eyes fixing on ever darkening brown. "Abandoning his meal in a nearby cave, he ran to meet her. When he returned a few months later, the mould had transformed his plain cheese into Roquefort."

Jane nodded slowly, wiping her lips with her napkin before speaking. "That must've been some girl." She sighed. "Not many people I'd abandon lunch for." She admitted, her knee brushing against Maura's once more, drawing a stuttered gasp from the woman. "Although there are exceptions."

'She knows' Maura thought suddenly, swallowing hard against the mouthful of chicken. 'I don't know how, but she knows!'

"Hmm, like who?" Maura asked, her eyes daring Jane to admit the truth while appearing innocent at the same time.

Jane grinned as she folded her cutlery on her plate and seemed to consider the question as she sipped her wine slowly.

"Well you know how Ma can be." Jane offered with a wry smile.

Silence fell over the table, both women stealing glances as they perused the dessert menu slowly. Both lost in their own thoughts. They knew that one of them had to say something, to make the first move and yet, the tension, the desire, the fire that threatened to consume everything overpowered them both, calling them to play in its flames.

"My feet hurt." Maura whispered a hoarse sound that barely escaped her lips. Under the table, she slid her shoe off and flexed her toes. 'Two can play at this game Jane Rizzoli.' She waited for their waiter to return, watching Jane as she frowned at the menu.  
>When the young man returned to their side, Maura smiled sweetly at him, her body thrumming with desire. She glanced at the menu one final time before looking up at him. "I'd like the Poire Belle-Hélène." She told him, seeing Jane squirm in her seat as she spoke.<p>

The waiter nodded, "And for you ma'am?" he asked, turning his attention to Jane who was still frowning at the menu. "I'd like…" she jumped noticeably, her deep brown eyes wide as Maura ran her naked foot up Jane's calf, teasing the back of her knee gently.

"Yes?" the waiter asked, oblivious to what was happening right before his eyes.

Maura's foot slid ever higher, teasing and daring Jane to give in. "This." She pointed at the menu, not trusting herself to speak or even attempt the language.

"Certainly madam." He turned with a flourish. As soon as he was gone, Maura settled her foot back under her chair, smiling innocently as lust burnt in Jane's eyes.

"Maura?" she gasped, almost pleaded.

"Yes Jane?" the innocence that radiated across the table threatened to send Jane over the edge all on its own. "Are you ok, you're looking a little flushed?" She smiled sweetly, batting her eyelashes.

Before Jane could respond, the waiter returned with their desserts. Setting Jane's profiteroles in front of her and almost throwing Maura's dessert into place. The tension at the table had grown considerably over the course of the evening and he was somewhat concerned his presence would affect the outcome. He'd made a bet with the other waiters that they would leave in each other's arms, literally. He'd set all his tips for the week on their having a kiss before they left the restaurant and he certainly wasn't going to do anything that might jeopardise that.

Jane watched Maura eat, her spoon dipping into the fruit and being met at full lips by an eager tongue. Swallowing loudly, Jane drank deeply from her water glass as Maura licked chocolate sauce from the spoon, her eyes holding Jane in place.

Flicking her gaze between Jane's eyes, lips and rapidly hardening nipples, Maura grinned. This had turned out to be a very interesting evening and she hadn't had to bare her soul verbally to get the desired results.

Jane barely touched her dessert and as soon as Maura had finished her last mouthful, she called for the check, paying it and throwing a handful of bills onto the table by way of a tip. Maura excused herself to the bathroom as Jane collected the car, both women taking the time to try and regain some composure.

"Are you ready?" Jane asked as Maura returned to her side in the cool night air. "You have no idea." Maura purred as they watched as the valet pulled up in front of them. Jane opened the passenger door and nodded for Maura to get in before tipping the valet and sliding into the driver's seat.

"How will you get home?" Maura asked her worry about being wrong returning in an unwelcome flood.

Jane looked at her, a devilish grin dancing over her face as she leant over and placed a delicate kiss on Maura's exposed neck.

"I'm not going home." She whispered before throwing the car in gear and speeding into the night.


	16. Chapter 16

**Authors note: Sorry again for the delay, I have no excuse other than absolute terror at writing this. I feel I've written myself in a corner and now I have to deliver the hot, steamy Rizzles goodness…. I hope you enjoy. **

Jane drove slowly, deliberately, delighting in each sideways glance from Maura.

Slowing for yet another red light, she tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. "When?" Maura asked, reaching out and finding Jane's hand, their fingers intertwining perfectly.

"Today." Jane told her, squeezing her hand gently. "I found your letter…" the words hung in the air between them. "Why didn't you say anything?" Jane asked softly as she turned to look at Maura.

"I didn't want to lose you." Maura sighed, her heart heavy in her chest at even the thought. Jane smiled sadly, unclipping her seatbelt before leaning over to wipe the single tear with her thumb. Guiding Maura's face up, she studied rich hazel eyes.

"You could never lose me." Jane's usually husky voice dropped even lower as she closed the gap, her lips ghosting against Maura's as her hand gently cupped her cheek.

Maura's hands roamed slowly up Jane's back, her fingertips settling and caressing the nape of her neck, eliciting a warm moan. "Can I really?" she murmured.

Slowly Jane claimed Maura's lips, kissing her softly sending bolts of molten desire through the pair of them. Her tongue gingerly flicking against Maura's bottom lip and being answered as Maura opened her mouth slowly, her own tongue joining Jane's in a sensual, unhurried exploration.

Car horns behind them made both women jump. "Oh c'mon!" Jane shouted out the window as she slumped back into her seat, the light having changed. Slamming the car forward, she wondered idly if it would be wrong to uses her position in the police department to get the hell home as fast as possible. For all her bravado and teasing, she was as worked up and frustrated as Maura appeared to be. With her foot flat to the floor, she took every shortcut she knew and finally pulled up outside Maura's home.

Stepping from the car, she was at Maura's door before the doctor had even taken off her seat belt. Pulling the door open, she extended her hand, pulling her from the car and pushing the door closed behind her. Maura swallowed, her heartbeat hammering in her ears as Jane pushed her slowly back against the car, her hands brushing slowly down her side before settling on her hips as she leant in, capturing Maura's lips in another searing kiss, this one more urgent and dominant than the last.

Moaning into the kiss, Maura's hands found their nature place on Jane's rear, pulling the brunette into her, their bodies melting together as if they had always meant to. Pulling away, Jane rested her forehead on Maura's, her breath shallow and rapid.

"I…" she whispered.

"I know." Maura replied, grabbing Jane's hand and leading her towards the house.

Stepping into the cool house, Jane took a deep breath, her mind racing with possibilities and fears. As she hung up her jacket and slipped off her boots, she watched as Maura prepared a small snack for Bass, her eyes roaming freely over every last curve.

"Can I have a drink?" Jane asked, her mouth suddenly dry.

Maura looked up from chopping a tomato and, with a wry smile, gestured towards the fridge. "You can have whatever you want." She licked her lips hungrily as Jane swallowed noticeably, wiping her hands on her trousers before stepping into the main body of the house.

Jane crossed behind her, her hands brushing across Maura's rear and ending with a gentle slap as she passed, causing Maura to inhale sharply, dropping the knife she was holding with a deafening clatter on the cold marble of the worktop. Jane grinned as she reached for a glass, noting the shake in her own hands. 'What if I get it wrong?' she thought as she turned, grinning rakishly at the dark flush in Maura's cheeks.

"Hmm, you like that uh?" she noted, turning on the cold tap and filling the glass before adding a couple of cubes of ice and drinking deeply. When Maura didn't reply, she stepped in behind her, sweeping her long honey blonde hair from her neck slowly, her body rejoicing in the shudder of the shorter woman before her.

"Maura?" Jane's voice faltered slightly as she realised the reality of what she, what _they_ were about to do. Pressing back into Jane, Maura moaned into the embrace, tilting her head to allow the detective better access to her neck.

"Yes Jane?" her voice was a rich, velvety river that gave away her increasing desire.

Jane dipped her head, inhaling the warm floral scent of Maura's favourite moisturiser before leaving a trail of fire inducing kisses along the creamy flesh. "It's just…" the closeness of the doctor, the smell of her and the gentle grinding she was doing into her groin took Jane's breath away. "I mean... I've…. And I want to…" she pulled Maura in closer, long fingers digging into the soft hips of her lover as she matched Maura's motion.

"What is it you want?" Maura breathed, her hands pulling Jane's lower, teasing them both as their intertwined fingers dipped closer to her ever increasing need.

"I…" Jane's whisper ended as her tongue flicked out, teasing the doctors earlobe before nipping gently at the warm flesh.

Maura spun in the embrace suddenly, catching Jane unawares and causing her to stumble. Hopping easily onto the countertop, she wrapped her legs around Jane, pulling her closely as she pressed herself into her. "Shhh." She whispered, capturing Jane's lips in a passionate kiss, her tongue exploring every inch of the Promised Land she found herself in. The warm taste of Jane flooding her senses.

Jane pulled back first, passion dancing in her eyes. "You didn't shush me." She panted softly, her fingers dancing patterns across Maura's exposed back.

"I did." Maura told her plainly.

"Well don't" Jane pouted, offering a protruding lip which Maura claimed eagerly.

"What I want to say is…" Jane fought to continue, pulling away again. "I…." 'Why is this so hard?' she wondered, 'just say it!' "That is, I mean, I've not exactly…"

Maura grinned, her hands wrapping in dark, unruly hair. "Shut up Jane." She growled, pushing her away gently, allowing enough room to hop down from the counter. Jane watched as Maura slowly unzipped her dress, allowing it to fall to the ground with a hushed whisper, revealing a matching set of simple black underwear.

"I… wow."

"Do you want me Jane?" Maura purred, stalking towards the shaking detective and backing her against the sink. "So you want to touch me?" she ran her fingers over her chest, brushing briefly over her nipples as she watched Jane watch the southerly trail her hand took over her own body.

Jane nodded mutely. Watching exquisite fingers dancing over a firm stomach before pausing at the top of black silk, teasing the material slowly before reaching out and taking Jane's shaking hands in her own. "Then stop talking and take what you want." She pressed Jane's hand slowly beneath the lace, her eyes fluttering closed as Jane gasped, her long fingers shaking against the wetness she found there.

"Oh god Maura." Jane stared at her as her fingers moved slowly, exploring hot folds beneath soft curls. "You're….."

Maura pressed into her, her hips moving with their own agenda as she leant in, nipping and sucking at Jane's exposed neck and unintentionally leaving her mark. "I know." She gasped as Jane moved gentle circles over her clit, her own hand falling between them and guiding Jane gently.

"Let's go to bed."

Reluctantly, Maura pulled Jane's hand from where she'd dreamt so often to find it and smiled as Jane stared at the wetness that glistened on her fingers, her mouth moving but unable to form words. Grabbing her wrist, she pulled her fingers to her own lips, sucking each one slowly, her tongue playing across each sensitive fingertip. She pushed Jane from the room, pausing to throw the unprepared salad on Bass' tray and filling a glass with ice cubes before following.

Maura was more than a little surprised to find Jane already in her underwear when she reached the bedroom, her dress neatly laid across the back of the chair in the corner of the room.

"You're so beautiful." Maura whispered as she set the glass down and crossed the expanse between them, pulling the shaking detective to her for yet another kiss. Maura knew that no matter what else happened in her life, however long she lived, this moment would be emblazed across her memory forever. The feel of Jane's fingers as her short nails dragged across her back would mark her as permanently as any tattoo; a soul deep declaration of possession that could never be erased.

Jane moaned softly as Maura pushed her gently towards the bed, her knees buckling as they hit the soft surface. Smiling softly, Maura crawled up atop Jane, watching the passion dance in her eyes as their bodies melted together perfectly. Maura reached under Jane, unhooking her bra and pulling it slowly from her body, revealing pert, perfect breasts. Kissing down her neck, Maura paused as she felt Jane's heartbeat through her own lips, the soft hollow of her throat and slowly over warm olive skin.

She couldn't suppress the growl the rose in her throat as Jane wound her fingers in her hair, gripping tightly as her lips brushed over a painfully erect nipple. "Maura…" she whispered, a cry lost in the heavy pants that followed as Maura continued her descent, the musky smell of Jane's arousal pulling her down. She grinned as Jane's hands fell from her hair, grasping fistfuls of expensive Egyptian cotton, her own hands wrapping around Jane's thigh as she kissed along her panty line before nipping along the top of her thigh.

"Oh my. Jane." She marvelled, placing a delicate kiss over the soaked crotch of the simple cotton panties and eliciting another groan from the writhing brunette before kissing a more fervent path up to claim Jane's lips once more. She never broke the kiss as she reached out, pulling an ice cube from the glass and squeezing it in her fist.

"Tell me Jane." She breathed as she pulled back, meeting black eyes. "Tell me you want me."

Jane bit her lip, her eyes fluttering as Maura offered a fleeting glance over her soaked core. "_I need_ you…" she whispered, not trusting her voice.

Rubbing the ice cube gently over Jane's lips, she smiled as Jane's tongue darted out for the moisture. It was the briefest of contact as Maura slid the cube slowly down her neck, the trail of water running errantly from the brunette as Maura circled Jane's nipple slowly, licking her lips as she watched the other woman writhe under her. The heat from their bodies melting the ice faster than she'd hoped, Maura sucked greedily on the iced nipple, the heat from her mouth after the cold causing Jane to press up into the warm release and growl low in her throat. Maura's tongue teased, flicking the cold nub before allowing her teeth to graze across it.

After paying homage to both breasts, Maura eased her way down Jane's lithe body, littering the warm olive skin with kisses as she descended, her fingers hooking into the top of Jane's panties and slipping them down long legs before dropping them to the floor.

Jane shivered against the sudden chill, her eyes fluttering open to meet the warm hazel of Maura's. Her mind ran faster than ever before as she watched Maura lick her lips hungrily from between her legs. Was this really happening?

Maura scratched her nails gently at first, down Jane's thigh, angry red welts appearing as Jane bucked up, her arousal plainly evident before her eyes. She placed a delicate kiss in the crook of her knee, nipping at the tender skin before moving on, giving Jane no time to anticipate what delight she may have in store, even with the obvious conclusion. Her fingers reached up, caressing Jane's breasts as she arched into the contact, her body begging for more than the teasing glances Maura was bestowing upon her.

Kissing the highest point of Jane's thigh, Maura looked up at her detective through hooded eyes, waiting for the thing she'd wanted more than this moment, more than the heavenly taste of Jane's desire on her lips, more than the feel of her hands over her hot skin.

"Please." Jane croaked weakly, her body screaming at her to make this happen as she arched forward, sliding herself pitifully towards the doctor.

Dipping her head, Maura finally gave in, her tongue slipping eagerly between deliciously slick folds and exploring this heavenly land with delicate precision as Jane twitched beneath her. Once more, long fingers wrapped in her hair as her tongue danced slowly over Jane's clit. She looked up from her vantage point, watching Jane as she slowly circled the nerve bundle causing Jane to turn her head, her mouth opening with unspoken words before taking a fistful of the pillow.

Scratching slowly down Jane's torso and pressing her into the bed, Maura paused, dipping her tongue into Jane's core and drawing a guttural moan before returning her attention higher. As Jane writhed, Maura worked her magic, her tongue seeming to be everywhere all at once. Fireworks burst behind Jane's eyes and she growled, deep in her throat as she felt her climax building somewhere deep inside her, a primal place that had waited forever for this exact moment.

Maura felt it too, should she care to focus enough on medical terminology, she could have told Jane exactly what was happening, although she would have to work harder to focus on anything other than the sweet sensuality of the brunette. Slipping her hand between them, Maura slid two fingers slowing into Jane, delighting in the muffled squeal that followed. Slowly at first, she pushed deep into Jane's soaked centre, revelling in the tight squeeze she received. Curling her fingers up slowly, finding that sweet spot and moaning into Jane, her lips vibrating gently against her clit, she was rewarded with the first shudders of Jane's imminent climax.

As the fist in her hair tightened, Maura moved faster, her fingers never ceasing and contradicting the torturous pleasure of her tongues seductive dance. As Jane's muffled cries made her flick her eyes up, Maura thrust harder into her centre, adding a third finger as Jane bucked and pulled her closer as her orgasm ripped through her soul before slamming into her body, every muscle contracting and releasing violently.

Maura slowed her fingers, riding out the wave with her lover as she buried her head in the pillow, her elated cries lost into the down. As the waves died down, Jane looked at her with heavy eyes. "Please, stay there." She groaned, pushing herself onto Maura's hand and moaning softly. "But kiss me."

Maura's fingers remained locked in place as Jane's body tried to relax, every miniscule motion sent her muscles locking again as she hung over the precipice of yet another climax. She moved deliberately as she moved up Jane's body and capturing her lips in a lazy kiss.

"Oh wow." Jane breathed softly, her body humming as her lips tingled from the kiss. She wriggled gently; allowing Maura to slide her fingers from her spent and consumed body.

Snuggling close, Maura buried her face into Jane's neck, kissing the pulse point and noting the hitch in her already increased pulse. The warm taste of Jane's sweat mingled with her own natural flavour made Maura's head spin. "Are you ok?" she purred softly, basking in Jane's high.

"Uh." Jane could only grunt, even her most basic of vocabulary lost to her as she waited for her eyes to refocus. Maura giggled softly, draping her leg over Jane as she ran her fingers lazily over her exposed chest.

Maura lay contently in Jane's arms for almost a half hour, watching her breath as her body continued to twitch and recover.

"Jane," Maura asked as Jane sighed happily. "Can I ask you something?"

Jane turned, her entire being feeling like lead as she grinned stupidly at the doctor. "Yeah." She yawned. She was shutting down, unable to process the physicality without sleep. "Why don't you make sounds?" she paused, her brows knitting together as she watched Jane battle with the truth.

"I just don't." Jane tried to deflect the question but with her usual reservations obliterated, even she didn't believe her reply.

"Please tell me?" Maura could feel her own body aching for sleep, despite her previous arousal, Jane's orgasm had drained her of everything she had. There was more than enough time for her to find release. "I could tell you wanted to, but you hid in a pillow."

Jane fidgeted, turning eventually to look Maura straight in the eye. She took another deep breath before smiling sadly, tears forming in rich brown eyes.

"Because I'm scared I'm dreaming." She admitted, "And I don't want to wake myself up and lose you."

Maura wiped the single tear away before she reached for Jane's hand, pressing it to her breast over her heart. "Do you feel this?" she whispered, waiting for Jane to acknowledge her question. "This is all for you." She captured the brunette's lips once more. "And you will never lose this Jane; it's always been right here waiting for you."


End file.
